At 1:47 p.m. I checked Todd's inbox to find *the package*.
I literally cannot put into words what I'm feeling right now.
For what feels like forever, I've struggled with not being in control ... with the waiting ... with the wondering and all-consuming anxiety.
Now that we're on the other side of this thing .... now that the ball is in our court, I feel a huge sense of relief.
On the other hand, I feel another surge of anxiety welling up inside.
Now that we know what their initial offer is, it's time for us to sit down, fasten the seatbelts and start to whittle away what is really important to us ... what we want to negotiate and what we are willing to accept.
How do you possibly know what to ask for, if you've never been to this unknown place?
How do you know what "corporate apartment" LOOKS like?
How do you know if one trip home a year will be enough for this family who has lived away from our immediately blood family most of our lives as Hattaways?
Seriously? How are we supposed to know?
* *
With this email comes an amazing wave of calm. A beautiful sense of knowing that should we figure this out, where it benefits our family ... this will be an amazing journey.
It also comes with a knowing feeling that it will also be ok should we end up not going.
THIS feeling is so much more enjoyable than the topsy turviness of the last 9 days of panic-stricken minutes and feeling pent up.
Written on Friday afternoon, February 27th.
Impending ... doom?
You know that feeling when you're getting ready for a trip ... and you start packing too early, or you do the opposite and wait until the last minute and pack in a frantic state?
Or the feeling when you can't go to sleep the night before a big event ... either because you're afraid your alarm won't go off in time, or simply that your mind won't rest?
I realized this morning that it's how I've felt for the last two weeks. Wishing more than anything that I could have some answers so that I could move forward and start to pack (figuratively) ... or hunker down in and continue to make our life here.
I feel like I really just want to sleep from now until we hear some news ... but on the other hand, keep getting reminded that NOW is the opportune time to really snuggle in, enjoy my kids and just relax.
Todd was supposed to have talked to the last of "the guys" this morning, but it's been postponed. I can't tell you how antsy that makes me. I need to get banking my emotional state on a calendar day.
Written on Monday, February 23rd ... still can't post or say anything "in real life" or in the blogosphere, so I'm simply recording ... writing ... capturing my feelings in the hopes that it makes me feel better ....
Or the feeling when you can't go to sleep the night before a big event ... either because you're afraid your alarm won't go off in time, or simply that your mind won't rest?
I realized this morning that it's how I've felt for the last two weeks. Wishing more than anything that I could have some answers so that I could move forward and start to pack (figuratively) ... or hunker down in and continue to make our life here.
I feel like I really just want to sleep from now until we hear some news ... but on the other hand, keep getting reminded that NOW is the opportune time to really snuggle in, enjoy my kids and just relax.
Todd was supposed to have talked to the last of "the guys" this morning, but it's been postponed. I can't tell you how antsy that makes me. I need to get banking my emotional state on a calendar day.
Written on Monday, February 23rd ... still can't post or say anything "in real life" or in the blogosphere, so I'm simply recording ... writing ... capturing my feelings in the hopes that it makes me feel better ....
Looking around.
I have never looked at our house, our home ... or our stuff ... through these eyes.
Never before have I really taken stock in the various things - the mounds of clothes, the cupboard crammed full of spices, the overflowing dishes and pots. Never before have I sat down on a couch and thought "should this couch be sold, or moved over?"
I know I'm getting ahead of myself ... we've yet to even *see* the package with details. But I can't help but letting my brain wander there.
Honestly - if I rewind that statement, I'd have to admit that it has become an obsessive thought pattern ... a cloud (not all bad, mind you) that hangs over my mood and my every step.
How would we handle the kids' toys? Would we sell everything (or most likely give it all away) since the next return to the States, they'd have likely outgrown them? Do we take up precious storage space to take the green turtle sandbox? They'd miss the play kitchen SO much. And what about the bounce house? Surely, we couldn't take that could we?
Their beds ... they LOVE their beds. The new paint job ... the colors that they picked out themselves. Mia's dollhouse, the dress up clothes, the legos. The darling winter clothes ... they'd need some of that, right? I just bought all new snowpants, boots and mittens -- they wouldn't even need them there.
(really? Did I just say that? The kids would grow out of them by next winter ANYWAY)
How does this all work?
Shoot - and my red chairs. My red chairs, that Todd picked out and that I instantly fell in love with. I wouldn't have to get rid of those, would I?
Our artwork ... the prized possessions that are a culmination of both Todd and my lives before we met ... can you ship that? Is that appropriate ... or selfish?
What happens if I filter through my clothes and only take a handful of things (getting rid of the rest) and then the airline or shipping company loses it?
Will I be able to run? Surely an American woman could find a safe/approved area to run, right? Right?
Food - do they sell the right brand of graham crackers over there? What about chocolate syrup, babybel cheese. Will we take our pots/pans or just start over?
I am reminding myself to just stop. To stop worrying, fretting and becoming anxiety-ridden and instead just focus on the here and now.
The here and now of today is that Todd and I leave for date night in an hour. Terran is chatting away with friends upstairs, Mia is peacefully sleeping and Tony is out in the blizzard, riding his 4-wheeler. That's the here and now ... and I'd better set to just enjoying THIS ....
I'll know more of the answers to my rambling minds' questions ... tomorrow. If not tomorrow, maybe the next day.
This post was written on Sunday, February 22nd ... in anticipation of "the conference call" with the CEO at the job that Todd has apparently been all-but-offered.
Never before have I really taken stock in the various things - the mounds of clothes, the cupboard crammed full of spices, the overflowing dishes and pots. Never before have I sat down on a couch and thought "should this couch be sold, or moved over?"
I know I'm getting ahead of myself ... we've yet to even *see* the package with details. But I can't help but letting my brain wander there.
Honestly - if I rewind that statement, I'd have to admit that it has become an obsessive thought pattern ... a cloud (not all bad, mind you) that hangs over my mood and my every step.
How would we handle the kids' toys? Would we sell everything (or most likely give it all away) since the next return to the States, they'd have likely outgrown them? Do we take up precious storage space to take the green turtle sandbox? They'd miss the play kitchen SO much. And what about the bounce house? Surely, we couldn't take that could we?
Their beds ... they LOVE their beds. The new paint job ... the colors that they picked out themselves. Mia's dollhouse, the dress up clothes, the legos. The darling winter clothes ... they'd need some of that, right? I just bought all new snowpants, boots and mittens -- they wouldn't even need them there.
(really? Did I just say that? The kids would grow out of them by next winter ANYWAY)
How does this all work?
Shoot - and my red chairs. My red chairs, that Todd picked out and that I instantly fell in love with. I wouldn't have to get rid of those, would I?
Our artwork ... the prized possessions that are a culmination of both Todd and my lives before we met ... can you ship that? Is that appropriate ... or selfish?
What happens if I filter through my clothes and only take a handful of things (getting rid of the rest) and then the airline or shipping company loses it?
Will I be able to run? Surely an American woman could find a safe/approved area to run, right? Right?
Food - do they sell the right brand of graham crackers over there? What about chocolate syrup, babybel cheese. Will we take our pots/pans or just start over?
I am reminding myself to just stop. To stop worrying, fretting and becoming anxiety-ridden and instead just focus on the here and now.
The here and now of today is that Todd and I leave for date night in an hour. Terran is chatting away with friends upstairs, Mia is peacefully sleeping and Tony is out in the blizzard, riding his 4-wheeler. That's the here and now ... and I'd better set to just enjoying THIS ....
I'll know more of the answers to my rambling minds' questions ... tomorrow. If not tomorrow, maybe the next day.
This post was written on Sunday, February 22nd ... in anticipation of "the conference call" with the CEO at the job that Todd has apparently been all-but-offered.
Naan of that.
All this week, I've had a ridiculous craving for Indian food.
I have a great recipe for curry from my sister, and even a leftover Massaman curry paste can that she brought me from Thanksgiving.
I can taste it.
Back in my days of living in Omaha, I fondly remember lunch dates with Lila at the indian buffet ... all you could eat of my favorites, naan, cucumber sauce, chicken tandoori and tikki masala. A quaint atmosphere and great food, my memory serves that we ate there several times a month.
Today while Terran was at lacrosse practice, the rest of us went to the library ... and I immediately headed towards the cookbook section ... with the help of Mrs. Pickett, found a great cookbook with ALL of the common recipes.
As soon as we got home, I started poring over the cookbook, my mouth watering and tastebuds salivating.
Later today while out on a shopping trip for "potty prizes", I snuck away to gather the necessary ingredients for a good Indian dinner, courtesy of Naomi's kitchen.
After finding the limes, the mint leaves and the coconut milk, I found myself staring blankly at the spice rack. Who was I kidding to think that I would find cardamom pods and blackgram dal (not to mention nigella seeds) in the "Ethnic Aisle" at WalMart?
I - right then and there - starting reshelving the items in my cart, and gave up on my idea of cooking Indian for my family, no matter how badly I wanted it ... and we settled on KFC.
I figure, there will be many months in our future for Indian food, and not so many opportunities for KFC, right?
I have a great recipe for curry from my sister, and even a leftover Massaman curry paste can that she brought me from Thanksgiving.
I can taste it.
Back in my days of living in Omaha, I fondly remember lunch dates with Lila at the indian buffet ... all you could eat of my favorites, naan, cucumber sauce, chicken tandoori and tikki masala. A quaint atmosphere and great food, my memory serves that we ate there several times a month.
Today while Terran was at lacrosse practice, the rest of us went to the library ... and I immediately headed towards the cookbook section ... with the help of Mrs. Pickett, found a great cookbook with ALL of the common recipes.
As soon as we got home, I started poring over the cookbook, my mouth watering and tastebuds salivating.
Later today while out on a shopping trip for "potty prizes", I snuck away to gather the necessary ingredients for a good Indian dinner, courtesy of Naomi's kitchen.
After finding the limes, the mint leaves and the coconut milk, I found myself staring blankly at the spice rack. Who was I kidding to think that I would find cardamom pods and blackgram dal (not to mention nigella seeds) in the "Ethnic Aisle" at WalMart?
I - right then and there - starting reshelving the items in my cart, and gave up on my idea of cooking Indian for my family, no matter how badly I wanted it ... and we settled on KFC.
I figure, there will be many months in our future for Indian food, and not so many opportunities for KFC, right?
Why?
I had a post written about the very beginning of this process and in a sleep-deprived state, somehow deleted it.
While you won't get the rawness of my thoughts from the very beginning of this process, I do want to recount a bit and provide you with some background.
Todd has always had "international" in his blood. While working for a major airline before we met/married, he worked overseas in 3 different countries. He loved his time overseas, and while he never lived as an expat WITH a family, he knows what he's doing in that environment. He's good at it. Dare I say, he was made for it?
My family also has some pretty serious global ties, as my mother lives in Kenya, my father recently returned from Japan, my uncle spent some time in China, my grandfather served in Korea and we have other distant relatives all across the world.
Terran and I spent time in Africa with my mother when he was just 10 years old, and from that moment I realized that being in a foreign country, in a strange environment and surrounded by people who didn't look like me - was actually ok. It was even more than ok, as it was exciting, educational and exhilirating.
I have always tossed around the idea of raising our children to be internationally savvy and when this employment opportunity came up, my immediate reaction to Todd was:
WHY NOT?
Of course, everyone's first reaction to US is "Why India"
To which, I say ... WHY NOT?
Sure, there are other locations that might be a bit more glamorous ... and certain areas of the world that might hold more appeal. The bottom line though is that with our family unit intact, it doesn't matter where we are physically located.
We are able to introduce our children to a culture that will impact them for the better. They will live a portion of their childhood surrounded by beauty, truth, reality and in the end ... will have a much larger base of friends, family and experience to draw from.
This employment opportunity is with a NEW company and we're both very excited about all it has to offer.
Welcome to the Hattaway's life, Delhi Bound!
While you won't get the rawness of my thoughts from the very beginning of this process, I do want to recount a bit and provide you with some background.
Todd has always had "international" in his blood. While working for a major airline before we met/married, he worked overseas in 3 different countries. He loved his time overseas, and while he never lived as an expat WITH a family, he knows what he's doing in that environment. He's good at it. Dare I say, he was made for it?
My family also has some pretty serious global ties, as my mother lives in Kenya, my father recently returned from Japan, my uncle spent some time in China, my grandfather served in Korea and we have other distant relatives all across the world.
Terran and I spent time in Africa with my mother when he was just 10 years old, and from that moment I realized that being in a foreign country, in a strange environment and surrounded by people who didn't look like me - was actually ok. It was even more than ok, as it was exciting, educational and exhilirating.
I have always tossed around the idea of raising our children to be internationally savvy and when this employment opportunity came up, my immediate reaction to Todd was:
WHY NOT?
Of course, everyone's first reaction to US is "Why India"
To which, I say ... WHY NOT?
Sure, there are other locations that might be a bit more glamorous ... and certain areas of the world that might hold more appeal. The bottom line though is that with our family unit intact, it doesn't matter where we are physically located.
We are able to introduce our children to a culture that will impact them for the better. They will live a portion of their childhood surrounded by beauty, truth, reality and in the end ... will have a much larger base of friends, family and experience to draw from.
This employment opportunity is with a NEW company and we're both very excited about all it has to offer.
Welcome to the Hattaway's life, Delhi Bound!
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