I keep getting asked "aren't you scared?" or "aren't you just so excited?"
My immediate answer is "No, I'm not scared at all, but I'm apprehensive about the unknown. And YES, I'm so excited ... this is going to be a great adventure!"
If I sit quietly with myself, I realize that I am feeling a myriad of emotions. Nervous, anxious, impatient, frustrated, not in control, excited, thrilled, anticipatory, amazed. I am all of those things, in part.
More so though, I find that these days I am simply feeling unbalanced.
I long to find balance - and sooner than later.
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The balance of being a support system to my husband through the transition between companies and responsibilities.
The balance of being available to my friends to listen, spend time with and just be normal.
The balance between still needing to help Terran with his 8th grade homework.
The balance of still getting dinner on the table and the laundry completed.
The balance between still making time to read books to Mia.
The balance between keeping muddy paws off of freshly cleaned carpets.
The balance between coordinating schedules for moving quotes/estimates, the realtor's needs, and the timeline of my to-do list.
The balance between still playing transformers on the floor with Tony.
The balance between desperately needing to take time to run or exercise.
The balance between playing outside with my kids when the sun is shining vs. working on visa applications.
The balance of my need to purge this house of all of the "stuff".
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This isn't meant to be a "woe is me" post, but I wanted to be able to share the frustration AND the exhilaration of this process.
At a moment where everything in my heart is leaping for joy because of this opportunity and the excitement of getting to experience such a wonderful place, my head is also screaming because of all that needs to be done.
Each day that goes by, I am able to sit -- at the end of that day -- with either a glass of wine or a hot bath and focus on what DID get accomplished.
I truly hope that as the sun sets each night, I am able to say that I crossed off some of the to-do list AND was still a good enough mother to my kids.
