I don't know how I'm supposed to do this.
I don't know how my kids will survive without the other half of their parenting team. I don't know how I'll possibly be able to store up enough reserves of energy while the littles recharge their batteries at night, to be able to give them a balanced normalcy until we get on that plane.
Sure - I am the half that stays at home with them, and does the majority of the snot-wiping, the bum changing, the homework, the laundry and ... (you get the picture).
But my other half, also happens to be the half that is the calming force in my children's lives. When I'm PMSing or just crabby "just because", he is the guy that makes everything better. When I can't possibly think of solving yet another sibling rivalry moment, he steps in and magically sets things right again.
He's the half that I go to when I can't make a decision to save my soul. He's the half that I turn to when everything around me seems to be falling apart.
How am I supposed to do THIS with THAT half over 8,000 miles away (as the crow flies, give or take some miles)?
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Yes --- I can hear you now. I am well aware that we're pretty used to Todd being gone - for business trips. But I ask - how do you prepare for three months? How do you explain that to your kids?
I've been reminded "Naomi, you used to be a single parent ... this should be old hat" or "If anyone can do this, YOU can do this"
Those sentiments are all fine and good, but single parenting - in the truest definition - isn't like this. My experience raising Terran by himself does not compare - in the slightest - to this.
I KNOW I can DO this ... but I feel right now as though I'll be carried through the next 93 days on an ocean of tears. Maybe it's time to put on one of my super girl tshirts and just suck it up.
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I'll post again tomorrow - after we've taken him to the airport, and sent him on his way. After we've sent him off with more hugs and kisses than he can possibly soak up, and probably more on top of that.
Maybe I'll be feeling better about it then ... maybe once the reality has set in, I'll be better able to sort through my emotions, buckle down and just get the things done that need to be done in order to propel us from TODAY through to July 17th.
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Now, Todd and I aren't any better than any other married couple, we fight and disagree and have our share of spats. No matter those fights though, this separation is still feeling pretty unbearable to me right now.
He hasn't even left yet, and I already feel lost.
Disclaimer : If I haven't mentioned this already, I type from my heart and from my gut. I don't re-read my posts before hitting "publish." I say what's on my mind, the way it comes tumbling out. I ask your forgiveness and a bit of extra grace as you read my words. They haven't been checked to see that they make sense, and they sure haven't been edited for content. It is, what it is.
