Blurry picture of my vice.
STILL ...
I've written about it before and I've tried to quit before.
I'm posting a picture of the thing that I clamor for when I need a breath of fresh air. Yes - I know how twisted that sounds, but mentally, IT is the activity that I have associated with 'taking a break' for many, many years.
IT is my sanity
IT is my refuge.
IT is my peace and quiet.
IT is my moment of clarity.
IT is often what I choose over time with my family.
IT is my 'sigh' at the end of a day.
IT is what comforts me when I'm having a whiny expat day.
IT is the excuse I use when I don't want to man up and quit being a wimp.
IT is the thing about which people constantly say "oh, I had NO idea!"
~ ~ ~
I'm not going to keep track of the days that I'm smoke free.
I'm going to put a patch on every morning until I run out of the stock I brought with us from the United States.
I'm going to buy a crapload of gum.
I'm going to send text messages to my circle of friends and say things like "I WANT a cigarette" or "please tell me not to buy a pack" because I know they'll text back and say things like "suck it up, you can do it" and change the subject to talk about when we're going to get together to roll sushi or to ask how many tshirts have sold on that particular day.
I'm not going to promise myself a reward at the end of completing this attempt, because removing this crutch from my life is reward enough.
I'm choosing to write about IT because whether your IT is cigarettes, sugar, internet, alcohol, shopping or a whole other host of addictions ... we all have an "IT" ... something that takes on a life of its own and steals valuable moments of our lives.
What's YOUR "IT" ? Man up and share them. Even if it isn't a physical thing. What holds you back from being 100% healthy, or 100% effective, or 100% motivated?
