The month on my iPhone calendar shows May.
The week's schedule shows FULL. Next week's schedule shows FULL.
Full of end-of-year parties. Afternoons of swimming with friends. Stuffing as much time together as is possible. Full of goodbyes.
Living in denial every day. If you just act normal and get through every day as everyone is accustomed to, it might be less difficult to admit that soon your childrens' best friends will be moving on.
It's what happens every May.
Or at least it seems to be what happens in May as of "here lately."
Denial is a word that enters my consciousness on a hourly basis.
Is it better to have loved and lost ... than never to have loved at all?
Maybe more suited for a romantic relationship, but still that quote resonates deeply with those of us who are saying goodbye on a very regular basis.
You can quickly see into the past hurts of a fellow expat when you ask the typical question "how long are you here?" and the answer is shallow, quick and brief. They don't share much more than the bare minimum and I imagine most times it is due to a background of having to have said goodbye too many times.
There are folks who know before they even land in their new host country just how long they will be there. There are others who don't know from week to week when they will leave.
There are folks that start to pull away in the final months and weeks before packing out. When those being left behind want nothing more than one more lunch date, one more morning coffee or one more dinner with joint families, those that are stuffing suitcases have already reconciled with the fact that their to-do list is seemingly much longer than the list of those they should say goodbye to.
It is difficult to be the one staying behind. It is extremely difficult to be the mama who is trying to soothe sad children, whose best friends are departing after a strong two years of everything. Playdates, movies, sleepovers, learning, growing, sweating, adjusting, supporting, coloring, beyblading, bike riding, KFC'ing (yes ... that is a word!).
Sigh.
I could speak on this subject forever. Really, I could. There are hundreds of studies on the mental process that one goes through when a goodbye is inevitable. I think that those processes become even more muddled when you do it repeatedly.
Recently, I posted on FB in a fit of frustration because I couldn't find the "perfect song" to use in a slideshow presentation to say goodbye to a friend ....
(note : I've taken out all of the profile pics of those who posted these great songs, for their privacy. What looked really cool in the original post with everyone's FB profiles and the "like" button there, now just looks boring BUT the great list of songs is still there!)
The week's schedule shows FULL. Next week's schedule shows FULL.
Full of end-of-year parties. Afternoons of swimming with friends. Stuffing as much time together as is possible. Full of goodbyes.
Living in denial every day. If you just act normal and get through every day as everyone is accustomed to, it might be less difficult to admit that soon your childrens' best friends will be moving on.
It's what happens every May.
Or at least it seems to be what happens in May as of "here lately."
Denial is a word that enters my consciousness on a hourly basis.
Is it better to have loved and lost ... than never to have loved at all?
Maybe more suited for a romantic relationship, but still that quote resonates deeply with those of us who are saying goodbye on a very regular basis.
You can quickly see into the past hurts of a fellow expat when you ask the typical question "how long are you here?" and the answer is shallow, quick and brief. They don't share much more than the bare minimum and I imagine most times it is due to a background of having to have said goodbye too many times.
There are folks who know before they even land in their new host country just how long they will be there. There are others who don't know from week to week when they will leave.
There are folks that start to pull away in the final months and weeks before packing out. When those being left behind want nothing more than one more lunch date, one more morning coffee or one more dinner with joint families, those that are stuffing suitcases have already reconciled with the fact that their to-do list is seemingly much longer than the list of those they should say goodbye to.
It is difficult to be the one staying behind. It is extremely difficult to be the mama who is trying to soothe sad children, whose best friends are departing after a strong two years of everything. Playdates, movies, sleepovers, learning, growing, sweating, adjusting, supporting, coloring, beyblading, bike riding, KFC'ing (yes ... that is a word!).
Sigh.
I could speak on this subject forever. Really, I could. There are hundreds of studies on the mental process that one goes through when a goodbye is inevitable. I think that those processes become even more muddled when you do it repeatedly.
Recently, I posted on FB in a fit of frustration because I couldn't find the "perfect song" to use in a slideshow presentation to say goodbye to a friend ....
(note : I've taken out all of the profile pics of those who posted these great songs, for their privacy. What looked really cool in the original post with everyone's FB profiles and the "like" button there, now just looks boring BUT the great list of songs is still there!)
Drawing a bit of a blank, but maybe Forever Young by Rod Stewart? Not really a 'thank you' or 'thanks for the memories', though...Yesterday at 8:31pm ·
Closing Time by Greenday (?) or is that too cheesy? ' Someday' by Sugar Ray also cute for that. (Both featured in my grandparents' 50th anniversary video :) )Yesterday at 8:36pm ·
Greenday, I hope you had the time of your life!Yesterday at 9:06pm ·
Leaving on a Jet Plane....by either John Denver or Peter Paul and Mary.Yesterday at 9:08pm ·
Home...Michael Buble.......100 years--Five for Fighting Yesterday at 9:13pm
Natalie Merchant's Kind and Generous? Yesterday at 9:38pm ·
Bon Jovi--Who says you cant go homeYesterday at 9:40pm
That's What Friends are For, Dionne Warrick & friends Yesterday at 9:43pm
“Time of Your Life” – Green Day, “I Will Remember You” – Sarah McLachlan, “So Long, Farewell” – Sound of Music, “Stand by Me” – Ben E. King, “Go Your Own Way” – Fleetwood Mac...what's the age level or audience? 23 hours ago ·
"Better Together" by Jack Johnson23 hours ago ·
more came to me....(: Ramble On- Led Zepplin (great guitar) Hello Goodbye--The Beatles 21 hours ago ·
Vitamin C- friends forever 21 hours ago ·
In My Life - The Beatles 15 hours ago ·
Corrs- Goodbye10 hours ag
Blessed by Elton John 7 hours ago
This is a CRAZY list of great songs!! I see a blog post coming up! 2 seconds ago
What on earth do you say to a friend ... when it's time for them to bid adieu and head back home? To their next location? To their next post? How do you adequately sum up your memories of them and your time together. How do you express appreciation for what they have meant, what support they have given and what motivation and encouragement they have leant?
You find some amazing photos of their last year or two ... you pick a song like this ::
And you choke up your tears, and you dab pointlessly at your eyes ... and you realize that you are truly better off for having known these friends (that are just a few weeks away from getting on a plane) than you would have been ... had you never reached out to become close, vulnerable with each other and honest.
Saying goodbye doesn't get easier - and it doesn't matter how long you've been at this expat game.
The lesson I have learned in my two short years of living in a host country .... in a place where everyone chooses to adopt each other ... is that life is too damn short to not give of yourself to another friendship, to another soul, to another potential long-lasting relationship.
My calendar says it's May.
My heart says it's time to say goodbye.
As I type this, I have just learned of two more friends who are departing in the coming weeks. The list is growing longer.
* * *
To all of the friends that we've met in the last two years ... who are packing up and packing out ... it has been GOOD. Truly good to share our time with you here.
You have undoubtedly made a gloomy day brighter, put a smile on our faces, shared in a laugh or two ... and enriched our family's time here in Delhi.
Godspeed, safety and the spirit of contentedness be with you on your journey!
The lesson I have learned in my two short years of living in a host country .... in a place where everyone chooses to adopt each other ... is that life is too damn short to not give of yourself to another friendship, to another soul, to another potential long-lasting relationship.
My calendar says it's May.
My heart says it's time to say goodbye.
As I type this, I have just learned of two more friends who are departing in the coming weeks. The list is growing longer.
* * *
To all of the friends that we've met in the last two years ... who are packing up and packing out ... it has been GOOD. Truly good to share our time with you here.
You have undoubtedly made a gloomy day brighter, put a smile on our faces, shared in a laugh or two ... and enriched our family's time here in Delhi.
Godspeed, safety and the spirit of contentedness be with you on your journey!
