What India has already taught me [a/k/a what I've learned during this move to Delhi, and how it relates to marriage as I know it ... a SAHM with two littles and a big kid at home, with a very hard-working husband] :
3. STATE YOUR INTENTIONS.
This really does seem like an obvious and you may roll your eyes when you read this, but a good marriage -- in my eyes -- is based largely on both parties clearly stating their intentions. If you want something, for goodness sakes, say so.
courtesy of thiseclecticlife's Flickr page
If you want a date night out with your man, and don't want to make any of the arrangements ... say so. Then when he DOES make all of the plans, graciously do NOT whine or grimace about ANY of them!
If you want him to help unload the dishwasher so that YOU can read a bedtime story to the kids without the nasty dishes on the to-do list, say so (and then do NOT gripe about how he loaded the durned thing.)
If you need him to just listen to you and not offer any advice (because a good man knows how to FIX things ... ) just SAY "babe, I need you to just listen to me."
There have been countless moments through this relocation process that have made both of our heads spin ... and during all of those moments, I began to realize that we worked together better when I took a breath, thought for a minute and then SPOKE my needs to him.
I have spent way too many years of our marriage assuming that he would just KNOW what I wanted or needed. Isn't that what marriage is about, after all? Meeting the man of your dreams who knows your every whim and dream?
It has been a slow and sometimes painful road for both of us to the place where I now know that my darling dear cannot possibly guess what twisted and manic wishes/desires are rolling around in my head.
I need to verbalize and SAY what I need to say. Instead I too often got soo irritated because he didn't respond appropriately (said the little voice in my head) or do what I wanted him to do (mind you, I never let him in on that secret) --- never realizing that the problem laid with me. How on earth is he supposed to guess blindly at what I needed?
When I truly take a moment to think through what I need ... and then speak it out loud ... magic happens.
Is it easy for you to state your intentions? Does it come naturally to you, or do you have to work at it?
