Expat kids ... are brats.
Now, don't get your panties all in a wad. My only experience of expats is this current one ... and my experience and opinion is still just that .... MY experience and opinion.
I'm also likely not talking about YOUR child ... or if there is a possibility I AM describing your child, do something about it, or at least consider trying to make a change.
Let me back up and explain a bit.
Kids that experience a third culture, expat assignment, overseas relocation, etc. have it rough. It is HARD, stressful, chaotic and quite a disaster sometimes. It can also be the source of great family bonding, maturing of the children and generally - a good thing.
Doing this ... this "chance of a lifetime" crazy thing called being an expat family ... means that you give up an awful lot and means that you gain quite a bit too.
I knew that our kids were spoiled rotten when we lived in the States. I said often that we were knowingly raising privileged children who felt entitled. How to stop that cycle though, I didn't know the answers to.
I really [truly and honestly] thought we would start to break that cycle by moving to India. It seemed that we would step off of the plane and magically, our children would open their eyes, realize how lucky they were and quit whining about bedtime, stop moaning about homework and actually PITCH in with their chores.
How wrong I was.
I see alot of expat kids who get special indulgences (because after all, they ARE living in India) ... children who aren't disciplined (because after all, they HAVE had to adjust to alot) ... teenagers who are downright rude (because after all, just IMAGINE what they're going through).
An example is while at the American club, watching the way our kids ... OUR kids ... treat the Indian staff. Complete disrespect while ordering food, disobedience and not obeying the lifeguards' rules at the pool, demanding to be allowed to run amuk on the property even though it's not allowed. It's not simply just disrespect or disobedience ... it comes with a "smirk and a sneer" and I've just about had enough.
Here recently, as I spend more time on school property, I overhear alot of conversations between expat kids.
"I hate my #*(%(&$*& driver. He never gets here on %(*&@#$(*& time and I *always* have #*($&(#*(&# to wait for him." (This comment followed a nasty phone call between this high school girl and her driver, whereby she cussed at him and yelled because he was late to pick her up)
"Our cook makes really gross spaghetti and he smells" (This comment made IN their home IN front of said cook by a THIRD grader)
"Our ayah is stupid and won't let me watch tv!" (This comment made by a FOUR year old)
"Guess what happened last night? I saw our guard eating what we had for dinner. But the nasty thing is that he got it out of our trash"
Seriously. These are words that are flying out of kids' mouths.
Want to know what's even worse? They are quite possibly only repeating what they've heard from their own parents, and are simply mimicking and copy-catting what they've heard the grownups say.
It is one thing to share the frustrations of living as an expat with a fellow friend. It is quite another to attack the character or personality of another human being ....
The lack of respect that I see ... most times on a daily basis ... between "employers and their families" and their staff is starting to wear on me.
Recently, after our highschoolers returned from their amazing minicourse trips I was disappointed to hear a group of upper classmen .... on school property ... moaning about how much their trip "sucked." They continued on to belabor the "disgusting food", "boring activities" and complain that they couldn't bring their music or cell phones.
I get that this is hard. I too am guilty of making my complaints personal and instead of just sharing frustrations with a friend, letting it get out of hand.
I understand that kids in this situation have maybe a bit "more" to deal with - living in a city like New Delhi.
How do we teach our children to be respectful, be thankful that most of them aren't EVEN cleaning their own rooms or even clearing the supper table?
How do we stop the cycle of feeling entitled and bratty when we are indeed living "that lifestyle" ?
I really hope that you all weigh in ... I hope that there can be a civil discussion about what it means to raise expat kids while living overseas ... and share suggestions - even if they seem simple and obvious - on how to curb this behavior ... one family at a time ....
