TERRAN IN KENYA :: exposure to Nairobi slums

Kenya is a land of much poverty. Whether you're in the rural agricultural parts of the country or in the crowded urban centers... poverty and its effects are everywhere.

During Terran's 33 days with me, I felt it would be profitable to give him some exposure to the poverty found in two of Nairobi's largest slums. We did so in an up-close and personal way... hanging out and laughing with some of the residents.

My good friends, Carol and Jeremiah, pastor a small church in Mukuru kwa Njenga - one of Nairobi's slums. I enjoy attending their church services and worshiping God in the traditional Kenyan way.

I took Terran to their church one Sunday morning.

Terran really enjoyed interacting with the kids!

Buying sugar cane for Joy and the other children at the church

Getting to the church isn't easy, with no proper roads!

The boys really enjoyed him...

... and so did the girls!

"The Turning Point Trust is a fantastic charity working with ...


Read the rest HERE

TERRAN IN KENYA :: Meeting Friends

(continuing with the posts written by my mom...)

My work in Kenya is ALL about relationships... long-term friendships over the course of many life events... the struggles... the joys... the ups... the downs.

Basically it can be summed up by saying God sent me here to obey the second-greatest commandment - "Love your neighbor as yourself".


[Note: Jesus also said that the GREATEST commandment is to love the Lord your God with all of your heart!]


So... during the 33 days that Terran was with me, we spent quite a bit of time with my friends. Those he had met during his first visit to Kenya in 2004, were thrilled to see him again. And those that he met for the first time were equally thrilled to meet him!


These photos are just a small sampling of the many friends of mine with whom Terran and I visited.

Masudi, Jeremy, Derrick, Linet, and George on top of KICC (a tall building)

Read the rest HERE ...

FUN CITY - Gurgaon and Vasant Kunj

Looking for something to do when the temps soar over 35˚ celsius and you need to get out of the house?

Look no further than Fun City!

BUT be smart enough to know these little tidbits in advance!

Cute little feet on their way to Fun City.  

Ambience Mall - Gurgaon is located on the top level.  Best to be let off at Gate 3 and then take the escalators all the way up.  

Ambience Mall - Vasant Kunj is the LAST of the malls if you are arriving from South Delhi.  Maneuvering your way through the maze of malls is difficult so try your best to end up AT Ambience Mall (and not DLF Promenade or the other one, the name of which escapes me right now).

When you first arrive you will need to purchase a pre-loaded play card.  You can put any denomination of money on.  For us, Rs 500 buys ample time for two kiddos to play for an hour.  

You simply swipe the card and play.  The games average between Rs 10 and Rs 45 per play.  (note : you will have to wait 60 seconds between each swipe, so don't try to get fancy and hand off the card to the second kiddo in order to get the heck outta dodge more quickly!)

If you know Chuck E. Cheese from the United States, Fun City is ... well ... Chuck E. Cheese on steroids, and without proper air conditioning.  Consider yourself forewarned.

Just like any good gaming arcade worth its salt, your kids will earn tickets upon successful completion of the games ... which are then worth literally squat at the redemption counter.

The only thing that makes this experience better is the fact that you will have to wait while the poor guy HAND COUNTS your kiddos' tickets to inform them of their winning total.

Nope.  No monster eating machine that sucks up the tickets.  No handy-dandy scale to weigh the equivalent of ticket earnings.  This poor chap HAND COUNTED each and every one of my kids' 1, 560 tickets that day.

Disclaimer.  Elizabeth gave us their unused cards, which included some from a birthday party, which meant the littles had one hour of unlimited play time ... BINGO!

There is a pretty cool Fun Zone at both locations.  At the time of this posting, one hour of play time is Rs 150 per child.  The Fun Zone is very similar to your typical indoor playground ball zone/climbing structure.  

The staff is relentless about security and will only release children to those holding the claim tickets.  Socks are required, although they will provide them to those without (although I think they are recycled throughout the day).

There is a roller coaster at the Vasant Kunj location and a pirate ship of sorts at the Gurgaon location.  

EATS ::  McDonalds is located just beyond the entrance for BOTH locations.  Vasant Kunj has a Chilis and a coffee shop just outside of the FunCity.  Gurgaon has a full fledged food court available, including a donut shop kiosk!

Fun City also has packages available for birthday parties and just as an FYI?  Go in the morning ... on a day when local schools are in session.  It feels like a privately booked party!

WORTH NOTING ::  At any given time, only 50% of the games work properly.  The staff is not necessarily capable of fixing said games that are not working.  If you encounter this issue, just give the head bob and move on to the next game.  

Our family gives Fun City two thumbs up ... when utilized in moderation!  The littles love it, and if combined with a trip to Big Bazaar or Landmark, it's all good!

LIFE AND LEMONADE

(ok - we are testing this out ... can you comment?  I'm holding my breath to see if it got figured out/adjusted.  Humor me and comment JUST because ... to prove that it's working again?)




We went to Singapore about a month ago and one of the ABSOLUTE things on my list of things to do was a visit to Ikea.  I know.  It's lame to include Ikea on the list of things to do when you are in Singapore - the land of SO MANY THINGS TO DO!

The last time we were there (2010), I wanted to get some glass bottles for lemonade, but decided against it (I'd already exceeded our return baggage allowance) and they have been on my wish list for an entire year.

(Little did I know that I could have bought the SAME bottles here ... already full of lemonade ... to then reuse.  I wonder about myself sometimes)

I love lemonade.  I love it mixed half and half with iced tea ... I love it just barely frozen as a slushie ... I love it with beer (yep ... thanks Lynden and Tats!) ... I just love it.

What I don't love is the absence of decently priced Countrytime Lemonade drink mixes here in New Delhi.  You can find lemonade drink mixes, but it doesn't taste quite right and it comes at a price of about $8.00 USD.

It had been YEARS since I'd made lemonade by hand ... and the other day it dawned on me that it was the cheapest, easiest way ... and tasted FAR better than any old tub of powdered mix.

(yep, we took all of those seeds out)

The lemons here in Delhi are teensy ...

So teensy that little Mia can cup one in her hand and you'd never know she was holding a lemon.

Instead of halving 4-5 lemons and calling it a day, you can count on about 45 minutes of cutting, squeezing ... cutting, squeezing ... cutting, squeezing.  Oy.

Until I realized that 1/4 of these teensy lemons was about the size of my handy dandy garlic press.

Brilliant.

There is nothing better than fresh squeezed lemonade.

Well, there is the feeling when you accomplish something.  It doesn't have to be something huge.  It doesn't have to ring bell tones into the rafters.  It doesn't have to make the front page of the newspaper ---

When you set out to accomplish something, and you reach your goal, it feels good.  It tastes good.  It warms you up a bit and revitalizes you.

There is something to be said about starting a day with an end goal -- whether it be to lace up the shoes and run a mile, or put away all of the laundry, or figure out how to make an additional $1,000 for your favorite charity.

We all have a different size of box that we lay out for ourselves every morning.  I'd like to think that I can continue to expand the size of my box --- expand the size of the goal that I hold out for myself.

Accomplishment ... sweet success ... it's like fresh squeezed lemonade.

WATERMELON JUICE and A DAY OFF

In the not so recent past, I randomly gave our staff the day off (including the driver).  In fact, I gave most of them two days off.  I needed a bit of a break.  I needed to spend an ENTIRE day in pajamas.

I needed for the doorbell to not ring for ONE day and I needed to be in 100% control of everything that happened at our house for ONE day.

(OK, so obviously no ONE person can be 100% in control of EVERYTHING, but I wanted to FEEL like I was in control)

We woke up at 7:45 to the dog barking furiously at the front door.  (We were sound asleep - who knows how long we would have slept if he hadn't felt the need to be a ruthless guard dog)  We rubbed the sleep out of our eyes, and stumbled toward the front part of the house to see what the ruckus was about.

SA was standing there with a very fierce "I got this" look on his face ... and when I looked out of the hole in the door (what is that called? Peek hole?) there was no one there ... just our morning paper.

Since we didn't need to take any affirmative action, we all plodded into the living room, plopped on the couch and flipped on the morning cartoons.

It's now nearly 6:00 pm when I type this and we are all still in our pajamas.  

We've done more crafting, purging, organizing, recipe creating and movie watching than anyone could possibly stuff into a 12 hour time period ...

We made ::

watermelon juice

Apple Juice Slushies (everything tastes better with itty bitty spoons)

A scrumptious dinner of mashed potatoes and beef in the crockpot.

Two more boxes filled for donation at the Thrift Shop.

Poked our heads out the door every couple of hours to hand the guard on duty a cold bottle of water.  

Spent some time on some handwritten cards to mail to friends and family

I slowly nursed a pot of coffee over the course of the day with my favorite creamer, and put a "coffee" scented wickless candle on.  

I struggled to respond to Mia when she said "Mama, is Shanti coming today?" after she found a recipe for applesauce muffins because "Mama, you don't know how to cook" (hence the mashed potatoes and pulled beef for dinner vs. McDonalds delivery).

(Guess what we did then?  Made homemade applesauce!)

We spent over an hour deciding where to hang our prized artwork in the newly created craft room in the basement.

I took some time out and read a couple more chapters in the completely engaging book, Unbroken (a MUST read).

We finished setting up the new pingpong table (it's ready for a match this weekend!)

I watched a knock down, drag out fight between the littles.  Like a crazed free-for-all where Mia threatened to scratch out Tony's eyes and Tony was screaming at the top of his voice "YOU ARE NOT NICE, MIA SARICE!!!!" -- I was so amused by their ridiculousness, that I just sat there and watched them.  I got my camera out and started taking pictures, which remarkably made them stop immediately!

We all took some time out and worked on our journal books ... (more on that in a later post).

We recently had a little visitor in the house ... well not so little.  He had a long tail, was black and nasty and ... ran OVER MY FOOT in the middle of the afternoon.  Blech.  Gave me the heebie jeebies.  He seems to have disappeared, thanks to some green colored "poison cakes" ... 

I decided today was also the day to ON MY OWN clean out the area where he came from.  I could easily have waited and asked our housekeeper to do it when she came back to work, but for a reason that maybe no one else will understand, I needed to do it myself.

I mustered up my cojones and walked in.  Shut my eyes and grabbed blindly at the closet door ... flinging it open with one very NOT graceful movement as I - at the same time - jumped as far away from the door as I could.  Really silly, I know, but ... 

I bleached everything that had a surface and felt automatically like I had actually accomplished something! (yea ... that's what happens when you barely do anything for yourself anymore ... even the little things feel like huge success stories)

Now that the sun is slowly beginning to set, and little tummies are starting to rumble, we may think about laying down some sleeping bags in the living room, lighting some wicks and having a 'candlelight' movie night.  

(Just now, I whispered that idea to Tony and his little eyes just sparkled ... yep, I think that's exactly what we'll do!)

DO YOUR CHILDREN KNOW WHY YOU CELEBRATE?

It's a weird phenomenon, living outside of your home country.  Major holidays come and go, without a hint of their arrival on the tv, radio or from friends.

Another reason I've realized that holidays go by virtually unannounced is because the grocery stores don't have entire aisles dedicated to the upcoming holiday.

It's strange, really.

We all seem to forget when Memorial Day is, say "really???" when someone mentions Valentine's Day and thank goodness that the American Embassy School recognizes President's Day!

It almost feels that the only reason we DO know when an American holiday comes up is either when Facebook Friends start posting about their plans, or when the American Community Support Association (ACSA Club for short) holds an event, themed for such a holiday.

I always get a bit melancholy when I read blogs with recipes for Labor Day weekend, crafts for 4th of July and gratitude projects for Thanksgiving. Not that I would have made those crafts, started those projects or rushed out to buy the ingredients for those recipes, but since it doesn't feel remotely normal to celebrate those holidays here in India, we've almost decided to not bother at all.

But the flip side of this is that we experience the fun festivals like Holi and Diwali, not to mention the burning of the effigies during Dussehra/Navatri. Rakhi is another favorite

I just wonder what happens when we do return to the United States ... will we have to reteach our kiddos about these holidays and traditions?  Is it a "parenting fail" that they are missing out on family time with low country boils, ringing the dinner bell before Thanksgiving, making snowmen the day of Christmas, or snow ice cream with egg nog on New Years Day?

Or here's an "out there" thought for you ... imagine we had never left the United States to begin with.  Just because our littles continued celebrating these holidays year after year while we had a five digit zip code doesn't mean they understand WHY our nation celebrates.  I'm not sure ANY of our three kids know the true reason behind Labor Day, Memorial Day, even 4th of July (as much as that makes me cringe).  

Do American children really understand the history of our country and the remembrance activities and traditions that have been started as a result?

Do our children know why my mother's side of the family always read that chapter from Luke before opening presents on Christmas Eve (or the chinese food for dinner that night)?  Do they get the meaning behind the festivals that hearken the beginning of summer (complete with foot races, hot air balloons and carnies galore) ?  Do they truly understand why mama gets chills when the Blue Angels fly in formation at the air show?

What is our responsibility as parents (regardless of where you are living) to instill and continue tradition, establish and introduce new celebrations ... and provide an explanation ?

As usual when I write a post, I feel as though I am aimlessly rambling, so I will leave my thoughts here ... what do you think?  I'm asking seriously and would welcome thoughts and a discussion!!  

Do you talk about the "WHY" behind your celebrations?

(by the way, I kind of am loving the fact that when I googled "celebrations" for an image for this post, a photo of holi was right there on the first page!)

ON PICKING THE KIDS UP FROM SCHOOL

Pauline wrote awhile back about school pickup and I've been thinking about it ever since. 

Especially now that we are in the middle of the ghost town that Delhi becomes in the summertime (not that the city itself becomes a ghost town, but all of our typical and common haunts become ... well sparse).  It feels like the days of school pickup are SO long ago ... and that it will be AGES until we start school again.  (while we love the quietness that staying in Delhi during summer gives us, it is quite lonely to have all of our friends away! this summer is dragging on, it seems!)

When I look back on school days in Ohio, they went something like this ::

6:00 - Terran would get himself up, showered, eat something for breakfast.
6:30 - Terran would walk out of the sliding deck door, down 4 steps, and down a driveway that was ... oh ... about 300 feet long. 
6:32 - The big yellow bus would roll up.  Hiss to a stop (sometimes.  sometimes I swear it was still moving a bit as he'd hop on) and continue on to the next house.
7:00 - Wake up the Tone-ster, rinse, lather and repeat for his 7:42 pickup ... same big yellow bus.

Then it was just little Mia and I ... all morning and all afternoon ... until the big yellow bus returned at 2:48 ... first with Terran and then again at 3:58 with Tony.

The fact that the boys bused for the majority of their school years in Ohio (and Terran previously in Georgia as well) meant that mama-kiddo chat time was very limited.  We did, however, always had a fun walk to/from the mailbox ... and used to love our "so ... what happened today" chat time over a snack of popsicles and apple sticks. 

(Terran will say that he misses the bus riding because it was a good amount of social time with his FRIENDS that he otherwise didn't have the time for while at school ... which I kind of understand.)

There is a bus option here in Delhi, but we opted for personal transportation.  There's just something about the roads, the traffic, the drivers here that I just felt a bit more secure in trusting Kushal and myself to get them there and back.

Here we leave the house just about 25 minutes before the school bells ring ... and I can be back at the house in about the same amount of time.  Pretty similar actually in the distance between the school and the house as back in Ohio.

I distinctly remember the beginning weeks of school, after we first arrived in India, during pickup time.  I knew nearly no one.  I joined the lonely parents who didn't have a mad mash of friends to hover around, and share all of the drama from the previous day's happenings.  I stood on the sidelines and acted super interested in my phone, or fanned myself furiously, or sometimes just aimlessly stared into space. 

Then came the days when I knew more people.  When the walk from the security gate up and around to the designated pickup spot became all of the social connection one could possibly need.  It was great!  It was a saving grace.  It was something to look forward to. 

The fact that the campus houses all of the grades (pre-K to 12th) means that you could easily meet up with the mamas of your highschooler's friends at the coffee shop before it was time for the elementary kiddo to meet up with you ... which means that you could also have a significant amount of chitchat time with those mamas while he tooled around on the playground ... all with enough time to catch up with friends who live outside of Delhi proper while the littles wait in line to get a lolly (popsicle).

Now though ... after two years of adapting to my new rinse, lather and repeat routine, pickup at the kids' school here in Delhi is ....quite honestly ... getting a bit emotionally draining.

My involvement with several things (more than several actually ... my list of things I was involved in was not healthy, actually) meant that either my phone was ringing while Tony was excitedly telling me about science class that day, or I was receiving SMS messages about everything under the sun while trying to hear what Terran was asking me, or I would get approached in person with questions, or advice, or suggestions or drama, or gossip, or anger, or pleas for sympathy, or .... (insert any combination of "requires active listening and responding").

Can I be honest ... and just admit that I actually CHANGED the meeting location for my middle little a couple of weeks into the school year last year because I was worn out from face time? 

Instead of walking the main path from outside school gate to the main pickup spot, I chose a discreet location and walked "the back way" to get there ...

I found immediately -- when I purged that 30-50 minutes of social time out of my daily existence -- that my afternoons were more serene, my energy level for my littles when we got back in the car was higher, and the rest of our evening was that much better. 

So while I liked it the first time I read it, the more I give thought to the whole "school pickup" business, the more I'm loving Pauline's post. 

When you take the opportunity and time actually engage your KIDS and listen to them, you can not only learn quite a bit about them, but also boost their self-confidence level a bit each day, learn about any sad things that happened that day, and rejoice with them in the happy moments.

What I have realized about the school pickup part of my day is that I do need to continue protecting it ... and that I do need to strive towards making that drive home meaningful and use it to my advantage.  Especially because I'm not physically driving the car, I have more options right now to physically be in close contact with my kiddos.
 

As my littlest little enters the world of Kindergarten this August, and my oldest little starts his Junior year of high school (HOW CAN THAT BE???) and I will have THREE in the car at the witching hour, when everyone is hot, tired and cranky ... I may have to employ some of Pauline's tactics and use that time very intentionally.

 

Well, that and buy a WAY over-priced cooler from Osabas so I can surprise them with popsicles and cold fruit drinks in the car!

WHAT MOVING ABROAD DOES TO A TEENAGER

I have debated hitting publish on this post.

I feel that it may step over the bounds of my eldest's privacy. I feel that it may be taken out of context and bashed about the internet.  I feel that it may dissuade someone from taking the leap of 'Why Not" when considering an international move with a teenager.

But I also feel that this blog is meant to be sharing MY truth and my experiences and observations, so I will hit publish on this piece entitled "what moving abroad does to a teenager."

For all intents and purpose, moving a teenager abroad is no small feat.

When you move a child who is in his younger years of elementary school, or a little girl who is not yet IN school at all, they take their cues and comfort from the fact that yes, the entire family is moving together and the fact that YES, you can take your stuffed bear.  There are other discussions to be had with children of this age that revolve around "Is there ice cream there?" and "can we go swimming?"

These little guys settle in, make new friends based solely on what their new pals' favorite color is and all is generally well.

There are moments involved with moving children abroad that are enough to make your heart quiver a bit, and you shake in your boots because it can be daunting and exhausting .... but the littles see it mostly as a big adventure.

The reality of moving a teenager abroad is strikingly different. 

The reality of moving a teenager abroad is that quite possibly you are removing them from :

1.  The only sports they've ever loved (lacrosse and American Football)

2.  A girlfriend

3.  A tight-knit group of guy friends that spend every waking moment together

4.  Grandparents who they seek solace and comfort in

5.  Weekend bbqs, 4th of July parties, water parks and sleepovers with way too much RedBull and video gaming
6.  Getting a learners permit at 15
7.  Getting a drivers license at 16
8.  Summer sports camps
9. (the list can go on ....)

The other reality of moving a teenager abroad is that their emotional state is quite possibly more delicate and fragile than that of a 1st grader.  Being a teenager is hard.  Teenagers (whether being moved abroad or sticking out those years at "home") are questioning life in general.

Asking why THEY matter on this earth.  Wondering what their life will be like when they grow up, and resisting against the pressure to make decisions about their future.  Learning how to identify with others around them.

Falling in love with someone who won't even glance their way.  Fighting with a parent and yelling "you just DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!"  Making wrong choices.  Making good choices. 

Struggling with whether to attend the party where they know alcohol will be served.  Choosing one class over another in 9th grade because they think it will be easier.  Hoping that pizza is on the menu at the cafeteria that day.  Wishing their mom didn't insist on driving them to school instead of letting them ride the bus.

I digress.  Being a teenager is hard.  I get that.

When you move a teenager abroad, you move them to this new location and cross your fingers that the first few weeks of school will go ok, and that there will be at least ONE person that they meet who is deemed "cool" and that you can create enough comfort food dishes for them so that even dinner doesn't render them too homesick.

One day you wake up, maybe one year later ... maybe two years later, and realize that while you thought everything was hunky dory, you seriously impacted this teenager's life by moving them abroad.

Not only have you taken away everything that they thought was normal, but you uprooted them from their safety net.

In a healthy situation though, you did all of those things - as a parent who just wants the best for their teenager.  You discussed and talked about the ramifications of making an international move before signing on the final page.  You weighed it out and spoke honestly with them about the potential trials, pitfalls and worries.  You told them - through your own tears and scared little voice - that you weren't sure what the future would hold, but that the family was going to go on the journey together.

 (hiking the Panj La Trek in March, 2011 - Himalayans in the background)

In this situation, you also gave them incredible opportunities to travel the world. 

To get out of the confines of the imaginary dotted lines that create the borders of the 50 states. To see the Hills of Garhwal, the Taj Mahal, the Roman Colosseum, ride the Singapore Flyer, visit the electronics markets in Hong Kong, walk the streets of Barcelona (in the rain), be bored in Provence, France, and on ... and on ... and on.

In this situation, you also watched them flourish and make friends with kids from literally ALL over the world.  Kids who will only be in their "space" for a limited amount of time, because no one stays here forever.  You watch relationships take shape, take form and blossom and then slowly start to wither away.  You hope that they become better for it. You hope that with the process of learning how to love anyway, even if you know you will soon say goodbye, comes a mature and wise lesson.

You also watch from afar and hope that the negative parts of living in a country where things aren't always pretty ... don't become buried so deep that your teenager forgets to be compassionate. You realize that when a person sees poverty every day, you can become numb to it, and you simply desire that he will still choose to see needs and help to meet them when he can.

I think at the end of all of it ... when you reflect back on moving a teenager abroad, and what it does to them ... this uprooting and shifting and changing ... that it's all good.

It takes a lot for a teenager to admit that it's hard to move abroad and at the same time, a lot for a teenager to admit that they are actually ENJOYING their time overseas.

I think that we're at the point in our journey where our teenager is very much enjoying his time here.  He still desperately misses his friends from back home and those sports ... well, we ALL miss that!

He is currently spending a month of his summer with my mom in Kenya.  This is his second time to spend part of a summer with her, and it is pretty cool.  He's already acclimated to the culture, the climate and the lay of the land, so to speak, so he's able to easily step right in and get busy with their crazy packed itinerary.

His month will be full of fun, good eating, adventure days and some outreach and volunteerism.  It will be packed chock full of wisdom from my mom (referred to as Mama Naomi in Kenya!) who is a wealth of quiet advice and life lessons.  It will be a natural break from his family, and a forced respite from video games and youtube.

He may come back a changed kid.  He may come back the same kid that flew internationally by himself for the first time this year.  He may have a twinkle in his eye from being a bit refreshed.  He may have a chip on his shoulder for missing his "whole summer" and being stuck in Kenya.  Who knows!

I've done enough rambling and mumbling about this subject.  I -- as always when I sit down to 'just write' -- leave you with no real wrap up or conclusion ...

What I know is that when you move a teenager abroad, it opens up their world to opportunities they would never otherwise have.  I also know that when you move a teenager abroad, it hurts a bit, aches a lot some days, and feels very unfair other days.

Overall though? It is an absolutely amazing journey that we've set our teens on.

They may not appreciate it now, but one day ... (ONE DAY!)  I have faith they will look back and be overwhelmed with their long list of accomplishments, experiences and memories.

GMT, UTC, + 5.5, IST, DST WHAT???

I am attempting to schedule a date with my middle little so that he can Skype one of his bestest friends from Ohio. 

He's been asking ... and I've been procrastinating.

A friend from Delhi asked me (after overhearing Tony ask me AGAIN to Skype his little bud) why I hadn't given in to his wish and scheduled a Skype.  I said ... with 100% honesty ... that I had no idea!

When I woke up on a recent morning, I set out to schedule the long-awaited and much desired Skype ... and then promptly remembered WHY I was putting off the task.

Because it really is annoying to try and figure out what time it is in the States vs. what time it is here ... to effectively schedule a Skype call.

I know ... I should have it memorized ... but even the handy Time Zone Converter doesn't help because India Standard Time (IST) is NOT recognized.  Seriously?

So then I turn to the trusted Google to enlist some help.  But then I just get even more confused and irritated by the UTC, GMT, +5.5 and so on.

There is THIS ... which sheds some light on the subject ...

Question: What is the Timezone in India?

Answer: The timezone in India is UTC/GMT (Coordinated Universal Time/Greenwich Mean Time) +5.5 hours. It's referred to as Indian Standard Time (IST). In general, this makes the time in India 12.5 hours ahead of the west coast of the USA (Los Angeles, San Fransisco, San Diego), 9.5 hours ahead of the east coast of the USA (New York, Florida), 5.5 hours ahead of the UK, and 4.5 hours behind Australia (Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane).


BUT :: Note that Daylight Saving Time doesn't operate in India. Do make the appropriate adjustment for Daylight Savings Time in your country.

So, like it says, you have to keep in mind that India doesn't recognize Daylight Savings Time.  You also have to keep in mind that I've long forgotten WHEN DST is in effect ... is it spring forward, fall back?  But who the heck remembers WHEN at any point in the year those two events have happened.

So after a matter of time, I end up finding tons of "there's an app for that" suggestions which helps SOME .... but in the end I just decide to make better use of my standard clock app on the iPhone, plug in all of the relevant cities back in the States, plus the new location where friends have relocated all over the world ... and in the end, rely on counting on my fingers ... (backwards and forwards) the number of hours that separate us from different time zones.

I'm proud to report that we now have a Skype date scheduled!



Now, if I could just remember my Skype username and password!

ADAM'S MAMA SAYS ... (a guest post!)

Guest posting time!  

Elizabeth shared this with me and I wanted to share it to you all.  

Elizabeth is the mama to a sweet little boy who is our middle little's best friend.  Best friend ever over the last two years!

Introducing, Elizabeth ::

Okay, if I really knew the secrets of expat bliss I’d have turned this post into a book, sold it to a publisher, and would already been sipping a Bellini at a swanky hotel poolside on my book tour.

But I digress…I hope my shards of collected experience will help your time in India be better for YOU.  That’s all any of us get – the chance to make this experience the best it can be for our family, and if what I’ve lived can help anyone coming after us, then I’ve paid it forward.

I believe that everything you hear about India is simultaneously true and false.  Which is a version of reality that can take some getting used to.  One week, one day, heck sometimes one hour will show you opulence and poverty, joy and abject grief, riotous beauty and revolting filth.  It will make your head spin.

--So my first piece of advice is to take it easy on yourself and on your family.  

Even if you’re an experienced expat, adjusting to India takes time.  A lot more time than you expect.  My unscientific research based on talking to lots of expats over 4 years suggests that feeling at home here takes twice as long on average than anyplace else they have lived.  The good news here is that the same “research” data suggests that India is a place where most expats feel they make more close local friends than anywhere else they have lived, but all in all, expect this to be a more time consuming and perhaps harder settling in journey than you expect.

--Activities, especially kid’s activities.  

Don’t believe the hype.  A lot is available.  And a lot of it is poorly organized and not fun for the kids.  Look for the real gems, which are out there, and don’t follow the herd.  Your kids will be happier and so will you.  I’m sure the example I’m choosing will generate a lot of hate mail, but here goes.  A prime example of this is the DIFL soccer league.  The sign up process is like applying to an Ivy League college, the coaching is non existent, and for my money, any elementary school aged sports program shouldn’t permit shouting at the kids.

A little research led me to the amazing PFC soccer program at the British School sports field and rekindled my son’s love affair with team sports.  So I guess my bottom line here is don’t do “what everyone else is doing” for kid activities – there are alternatives and they take more work to find than in some other expat environments, but it is well worth it.

--Household Staff.  

Here is another area where it pays to take your time.   It sounds so glamorous – a cook to fix whatever your heart desires, someone to drive you anywhere you want to go, never having to clean a toilet.  I totally believed the hype and before I arrived in India I agreed to take over the entire 5 person household staff of my predecessor and promptly added a 6th person (since as a full time working mom I needed a nanny).  And I have lived to regret it and want to save you from my mistakes.

Live here for a month or so and figure out what you really need for help before you become the social safety net/bank/home for a village.  Living in an expat community takes away a lot of privacy to begin with and live in staff means never being alone.

It also means taking on the problems of a lot of other people.

If I could do it again I’d take my time, get settled in, and then see what the reality of my “never lifting a finger” fantasy looks like in the light of the Delhi sun.

For me that would have meant hiring a nanny (no way around that as a full time working parent) and someone to do some food shopping/prep and a 3rd person to drive (since Delhi traffic is tough and parking is virtually non existent) and I’d have them work limited set hours Monday through Friday only.  That would be my ideal , maybe not yours.

My advice is:  Take the time to settle into your life here, see what help you want, and then and only then commit to the virtual adoption process that is employing household staff.

--Privacy.  

This is the hardest part for most people to get used to.  No more privacy – not at home, not at school, not on the weekends.  No matter how much you try to expand your orbit, this is the smallest expat community I’ve ever been a part of.  True story – I have a yahoo account under a pseudonym and this morning I got an email on that account addressed to my real name from someone in another country who referenced my Embassy employment and asked for help with a visa case.

Admittedly I live a more public life than most because of my work, but another expat truth from life in India is the need to adjust to a whole new level of small town life.  No advice for this one apart from letting you know it’s there.

And maybe encouraging everyone to be kind.

It is so easy to feel you know the whole story about everything happening to everyone because of Delhi’s expat fishbowl, but I’d say it’s as true here as anywhere else that you really don’t know what goes on in someone else’s family.

Gandhi said that satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment.  India as an expat is all about the effort.

So go forth with equal measures of gusto and reserve and India will reward you with memories and friendships for a lifetime.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE - Lions, Tigers and Bears

A couple of weeks ago, Sally had another crazy idea (remember the last minute Holi party at the Roosevelt House?). 

We were all doing the theme of Animals with our MAD kids and what better way to drill in the lesson than to go to the Delhi Zoo!!

I tell you what ... these kids are reaping the benefits of Sally and her amazing ideas!

I was unable to go as the zoo trip overlapped with ballet and Cub Scouts, but I still wanted to share the photos with you.  

Thanks to Janet, Tracy, Sally and Ann for sharing their photos with me ... so I could share them with you!

Riding on the trolleys 

(which is REALLY the ONLY way to do the Delhi Zoo, if you ask me!)

Working on filling in their books that were created JUST for this trip, complete with questions and spaces to fill in and answer about the animals they were spotting and learning about.

Press Op with Ambassador Tim Roemer and Sally!

Snack time ...

My two favorite boys, Sundar and Aakash 

(thankfully they are the ONLY two boys in my class, so I'm not playing favorites!)

LITTLE WORKER BEES

I have a really good work ethic.  I started working when I was still in my early teenage years.  As a young single mother, I held up to three jobs at one time so that I could make ends meet and care for Terran as a little pipsqueak.  My work ethic came from a combination of the example that was set for me by my grandparents and my mother.  Husb also has a great work ethic, one established for him by HIS parents. 

So you would say, we make a great team!  We both started work early, we work HARD and the jobs we hold have never been glamorous.  We have NO problems instilling that same amazing work ethic into our offspring!

Pause.  That's not all true.  I have to admit that we are struggling a bit when it comes to the "instilling a great work ethic" part.

When we moved to India, I had grand illusions (or delusions, rather) that our three kids would see their surroundings, witness the poverty of a "third world country" and be pliable in their belief system concerning work ethic, being grateful and thankful and appreciate everything that they have and are given.

Two things have surprised me.  While they are decidedly MUCH less materialistic than they EVER were back in the United States, they still are very selfish with their belongings and their stuff.  They also have NO work ethic.  Not a one of them.

Cleaning up their messes is done by someone else.  Pouring a glass of milk is done by someone else.  Getting themselves dressed?  Not a chance. Brushing their teeth? By force.  Even buckling their seatbelts is someone else's job.

On a recent trip out of Delhi, I had the opportunity to see many examples of what work ethic means.  These little worker bees all were under the age of 12 (or so I'd guess).  I don't know their families and am not aware of their specific situation, but I would guess that not a one of them attends school, but instead has a very stringent work day lined out for them from sunrise to sundown.  

After we returned home from our trip, Mia happened to whinge a bit about having "just rice for dinner."  It flew all over me (southern term for 'pissed me off') and I whipped out my laptop and said "You come sit with me, young lady."

Off I went on a diatribe of showing her these photos and asking her what she thought THEY ate every day for dinner.  I asked whether she thought THEY complained to their mother about eating the same thing every night.  Then I asked her how SHE would feel if she had to do this kind of work EVERY day, to help her family.

She looked up at me with a strange look on her face and said "I'm bored."

Sigh.

The lesson was not lost on me though.  I realized that in trying to force upon her an idea of someone else's work ethic, that I was pushing her farther away from any sort of perspective.  

Instead of showing her these photos and expecting her to understand, I need to better train her to be responsible for the things that DO matter to her, in her little world.  

Of course the image of the little boy struggling to get the cow to move according to his wishes isn't going to resonate with her, but maybe the request for her to help out more with the dog WILL stick.

I'm sure that the photo of the young lady washing the family's clothes (while watching her younger sister) doesn't mean much to her, but I bet that being responsible to carry her OWN clothes down to the washroom might be a good start?

When the little boy squatted down to clear the roadway of debris (in preparation for asphalt to be laid), I realized that Mia should be doing a bit more to contribute to picking up before dinner, or especially after playdates.

I hope that in the coming years, we are able to better instill a work ethic in our children that even THEY will be proud of.  If work ethic is passed down from generation to generation, we'd better get busy!


What say you?  Is work ethic something that comes naturally to some and not for others?  Is it strictly a result of good parenting, or does it run in the genes?  How old is TOO old to still learn a good work ethic?  Would love to hear your thoughts!