When she first moved to Africa though, I sent her with my blessing.
You see ... first she went on a fairly typical missions trip with her church at the time. She spent some time in Kenya and fell in love with the land, the people and the country.
She would have to clarify the details, but sometime after she came home ... she approached her immediate family and requested a serious chat about how we might feel if she chose to move there. If memory serves me right, after some initial questioning and thought-provoking discussions, she received our blessing. All 7 of us (children, brother and parents).
At the time, I only had Terran and my window into the world was pretty mono-chromatic. My life wasn't boring or mundane by any stretch of the imagination, but it was limited.
Although I had visited nearly every state in the United States, my experience traveling outside of the United States was only a couple of trips to locations that didn't require a passport (Mexico and several islands that are US territories).
If I think back to the time that mom left for Africa, I am pretty sure that I was naive as to how I would feel after the fact. I agreed with the rest of our family that if mom felt so strongly about relocating to Kenya, then who were we to stop her?
She sold her truck, the land she owned, her house and 99.99999% of her belongings. The rest of the belongings went into boxes and are still housed at my grandmother's house ... where they will be for quite some time I'm sure.
What did happen after the fact though was that I felt abandoned.
For just a little background, you need to know that I intentionally chose to leave my mother's house long before my teenage years were over, started parenting before high school graduation and "lived more" before my 21st birthday than I care to recount to anyone.
For me to feel abandoned by my mother is a pretty far stretch, especially when you then consider that all of her four children were grown ... starting families and all out on their own. She had done her job ... she had given us roots and given us wings. I think what bothered me most was a distant feeling that she had intentionally chosen to miss out on her grand-childrens' lives. She now lived across the ocean and she would miss out on birthdays, first days of school and so much more. She was actively participating in the lives of children in Kenya, but not in MY childrens' lives. We would see her every couple of years, and we would send photos, but the day-to-day relationship building and memory recall would be strained and difficult.
The weird thing is that I never thought I could also title a blog post titled "What happens when you move your kiddos away from their grandparents, to India." I never would have guessed that the things I wrote above, would also apply to us.
It has never been more in my face than in April ... as our summer approached and we started to tell those we love the most that we would not be returning to the United States for the typical expat summer escape from Delhi. Everyone said "we understand" and "I can imagine it was a hard decision" as I chickened out and told everyone via email. Instead of Skyping, or picking up our phone to call everyone, I completely took the wuss way out and sent a mass email.
We recently enjoyed a fabulous vacation - just the five of us - and while it was wonderful (beyond wonderful, really), my quiet time was often filled with thoughts about how I was now part of forcing upon my children (and our respective immediate families) a separation during a critical and important time, as these kids grow up, mature and turn into young adults.
When we made our decision to not return to the United States this summer, it was truly the best decision for us -- on many different levels -- but that doesn't mean it wasn't easy or that I feel guilty for stealing the kiddos away to a country that feels very, very removed from those that know us best.
What I keep reminding myself is that it is now my job - because we have made this life-altering decision to move to Delhi - is to do the best job I possibly can at keeping everyone up to date on the kids, share photos often, send emails with the funny things they say ... AND get better at Skyping.
So -- what happens when your mom moves to Africa is sometimes that you learn a lesson --- far before you'll actually ever need it.
If you're interested in reading more about mom and what she does in Africa ...
