Need a car?
Need a new place to live?
Need a job?
Need a massage?
Need a husband?
We just celebrated our anniversary. Seven years of ups and downs ... and everything in between. We chose each other. We made the decision to say "I will" to the list of marital requirements, with friends and family as our witnesses.
We didn't know each other for very long before we exchanged rings and promised to stick by each others' side and to walk down our path of life together for the rest of our lives.
We weren't truly aware of each others' shortcomings, bad habits, passions or the things that absolutely drove each of us crazy. Seven months is a relatively short time to get from "Hey, my name is Naomi" to "I do."
Seven years however, is a good start to the plan of getting to know your spouse. It's just about the right amount of time to get a good start on raising kids, settling in to making a house a home (or several houses into "home"),
It's just about the right amount of time to discover that it drives me crazy that he leaves cupboards and drawers open, and adequate time for him to discover that I am a packrat and quite honestly, a slob. He knows that I don't eat eggs, and I know he likes two ice cubes in his drinks.
Every week, I read the matrimonials in the newspaper here in Delhi. At first it was mind-boggling. To think that people are putting themselves out there ... in black and white (and highlighted in yellow to stand out from the rest of the crowd) ... hoping for a match. Knowing that there are fathers and mothers dedicating a significant portion of their days responding to correspondence hoping to find the best match for their child -- poring through countless emails containing information and words to showcase their son (or daughter's) best features and attributes.
There are classified ads for spouses (called Matrimonials) for every category you can think of. Religious preferences, divorced, disabled, Caste vs. No-Caste, hometown/home village, etc.
They spell out the height and weight requirements, almost always state "fair skinned" (I may NEVER get over the awkwardness of the fair skin obsession here) and typically request a certain education.
Arranged marriages in India are often "scheduled" for lack of a better term, based on these things ... sometimes even the astrological compatibility of the future couple.
Consider this list from Wikipedia ::
- Values and personal expectations: should match
- Age and height: girl should generally be younger and shorter
- Looks: should be acceptable to the other, although it is preferred that the women have "a fair skin", as it can be noted in the matrimonial advertisements.
- Religion: should be same, preferably same sect
- Mother tongue, caste: should be preferably same
- Diet (veg/non-veg/alcohol/smoking): may differ only if acceptable to the other
- Education: comparable educational levels or the boy should be more educated than the girl
- Profession: the profession should be acceptable to the other
- Financial: The boy's current and future financial situation should be acceptable to the girl.
- Astrological signs/attributes: should be compatible, if the two families believe in it.
Since I am relatively naive about how all of this works, I asked whether it was an arranged marriage.
She answered with a giggle, "no, it is a love marriage."
She has known her fiance for several years and she loves him. She approached her parents to request that they allow her to marry this boy, as opposed to someone they chose FOR her.
I asked her if she was nervous that her family would reject her request. She wrinkled up her nose and said "No, I was not worried. I love him and it would be as it should be." Her parents have agreed, but reluctantly.
They have been given several dates to choose from for their wedding date, based off of their astrological signs and the moon. All dates given are auspicious dates and they should only wed on THOSE days.
It was precious, as she told me about one of the days being on a Thursday -- "who would want to come to a wedding on a Thursday?"
Even after reading quite a bit of articles on this subject (to share this topic with you), I still don't quite understand the concept and process of arranged marriages, but know that it is very much different than anything I know.
I wonder how my classified would have read, eight years ago, before I chose my Husb. I wonder what HIS would have looked like!
If you'd like to read a great article about this subject, click over to Anita Jain's article.
This post could bring up a whole host of discussion topics ::
What does marriage mean to you? Is love necessary for a healthy marriage? Why is the divorce rate so much lower in India, than in the United States? Do you think you could marry someone, without knowing much about them and end up falling in love with them after the fact?
