I AM A BRAVE GIRL!

A friend recently turned me on to the Brave Girls Club and I really like what they are about ... if you sign up to receive their emails, you will receive what they call "Daily Truths" via a little birdie. 

One of the sweet little side items to note is that they use submitted paintings/drawings/renditions of birds that their fans have sent in to accompany these Daily Truths.

The concept behind the Brave Girls Club has many branches, but the one that I love the most is that they intend to serve as a reminder to women.   

From their website ::

You already know so much more than you think you know. You are so much stronger and braver and more resilient than you remember. You know what to do and you know how to do it….we just want to remind  you. We want to remind each other…when we fall down, when life knocks the wisdom out of us…when things happen that make us draw a blank and paralyze us….we want to remind each other of all that we know, of all that we are…of all that is meant for us.

This recently landed in my inbox and it resonated with me ::

Dear Courageous Girl,

The hardest decisions in life are the decisions that start with two good answers. Choosing between two or more good things is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do.

This is what sacrifice is. This is where the richest rewards are, because we are not REALLY choosing between what is good and what is good. We are choosing between what is good and what is BEST for our lives.

Stay where the BEST things area, even if you have to walk away from some really good things once in a while. And never forget that the simple, small things in life are very often the best -- better than the shiny, fancy, and 'popular' things; and that it's completely okay to walk away from everything that the world tells you will bring you happiness, and towards small, simple, and good things that others usually just walk on by. That's where the magic is, friends.

Choose the best for YOU.

xoxo
"A little bird told me" - your Daily Truth from The Brave Girls Club - www.bravegirlsclub.com

Click on the image below to sign up for your very own Daily Truth!

ON BEING IMPERFECT

Wanting to share some quotes from Brene Brown (author of  The Gifts of Imperfection).

I hate that I can't remember whose blog I read these quotes on .... (help me out if you saw the original post).

Brene Brown was speaking at Blissdom and the author of the blog shared this from the talk that she gave.  They spoke to me and I wanted to share them with you.

“Connection is what gives our life meaning and purpose.”

“Vulnerability is the key to loving and living with our whole hearts.”

“Worthiness has no prerequisites.” 

“When you say you don’t care what people think and you mean it, you have lost the capacity to connect.”

(I keep coming back to this one ... because on the surface of things, I don't care what people think ... but I think I really mean that I am comfortable in my own skin and don't try to impress anyone.  When it boils down to whether I care what people think about what I DO ... then I think this fits)

“Find and be a friend that would move a body” 

(Click HERE for the rest of Brene's story on this one.  It's good!)

and finally, she shared what Oprah has hanging outside of her office…LOVE this. “You are responsible for the energy you bring into this room.

Good stuff, eh?

2011 ...

* * * * * *

“There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.”

― Jane Austen

I like that quote.  I like that the word "home" isn't defined, until you write the description for yourself.

During the past two months, our family has learned that home truly is where the heart is.  It didn't matter whether it was a hotel room in Wichita, Cleveland, Jersey or a lounge in an airport ... wherever the five of us were ... there "home" was.

Often after dinner, or a trip to the grocery store, I would say "time to go home!" ... to which one of the littles would respond "HOME?  Home is in Delhi.  Home isn't HERE, mama!"

Eventually they realized that I would never tire of explaining to them that for that time and place, home was where we laid our heads at night.  Soon enough, they would ask ME if I was ready to go home (meaning, the hotel room!)

* * * * * *

My last Reverb10 prompt ... and answer ... to share with you ::

Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

TOTALLY that I am more patient than I ever thought I was.  More capable and able to think first before reacting.  I would have NEVER said this about myself.  I'm traditionally quick to speak, quick to lash out, quick to slay someone with a cutting remark and quick to express myself ... when sometimes (and more often than not) silence is much more respectable and relished.

* * * * * *

Which brings me to my small list of resolutions for 2011.  I don't do resolutions.  I forget them long before I even have an opportunity to fail them.  I write them on some random slip of paper, and then forget where I've placed that piece of paper.  I beat myself up for goals that aren't reached and get annoyed when I fail. 

This year ... for 2011 ... I'm looking a bit more internally and aiming to capitalize on the small steps that were started in 2010.

The short list?

1. to think before reacting

2. to blog more intentionally ... which practically means "to blog less."  It is difficult to balance what I share with you, my readers.  Do I blog honestly about the hardships of living in India?  Do I paint a glamorous picture of what it's like to have a houseful of staff?  Do I share the silly stories of the kids' every daily move?  Do I share the trials and tribulations of my personal venture to better myself?  Do I just write about the Ps and Qs of moving a family overseas?  I think that in 2011 I will limit myself a bit in what I post, and simply be more intentional about the words that I do share.

3. to spend individual time with each kiddo ... doing something that makes their heart song sing.  It is easy to get caught up in the daily ratrace and rut of raising kids.  Get them to school, finish homework, accompany them to lessons, ballet, activities.  Schedule playdates, plan meals, take baths, cut toenails.  Get haircuts, put on bandaids, kiss away tears.  It is too easy for me to forget that I actually enjoy spending time with them ... and they each have such different likes and things that make them excited, that I want to be better about that this year.

4.  running, yoga or some other combination of something good for my body.  It might be massages every couple of months, or reflexology from my awesome friend Caitlin.  It might be drinking more tea and less coffee.  We'll see!

5.  to spend more time with people I like ... and to be better about sorting through invites and social engagements that don't result in a benefit for me (sounds ridiculously selfish, but don't you find yourself exhausted sometimes by functions and gatherings that you don't really enjoy anyway?)

6.  gratefulness ... practiced daily (this can be as simple as telling one of your staff members that you appreciated ______ (insert your "X, Y, Z" here) or sending an email to your mother-in-law letting her know that you are thankful for her work in raising your spouse, or sending a note in your kiddos' snack bag letting them know you're proud of them, etc., etc.)

I liked what Ellie said about resolutions ...  especially this ::

Mostly, New Year's Resolutions are geared towards doing less of something.   We are an indulgent society.  We are programmed to want more, but the things we want more of tend to make us obese, addicted and in debt.

There are lots of things we need more of in our lives:   compassion, down-time, gratitude, peace of mind, kindness, laughter.

Instead of a resolution that revolves around self, try one that revolves around others.   Try complimenting a stranger, calling an old friend, reaching out to someone who needs help.   Donate your time to a charity.   Read an extra book to your kids at night.  

Find at least one thing every day that spreads some love and compassion into the world.   Even when faced with negativity, spread kindness.    Someone cuts you off in line?  A cashier is rude?  The server is late bringing your food?

You have choices on how you react to things:  indignation and annoyance are the more obvious choices, of course.   Patience and compassion, however, break the cycle of negativity, bring you peace of mind, and are paid forward in beautiful ways.

There is a lovely concept in Buddhism, that every person you meet, every person you know, is a teacher.   Each interaction you have with someone has a ripple effect:  if it's angry or negative, it spreads negativity and anger out into the world.  If it's gentle and compassionate, it spreads peace and compassion into the world.

* * * * *

The last thing on my list of goals for 2011 is to journal in a more efficient way.  I used to journal with a passion.  I had  several bookshelves of journals.  Then one day I told myself that I needed to "grow up", move on and start over.  I burned every last one of those journals.  I regret that choice almost daily.  I have handwritten journals that I started during each one of my pregnancies.  The entries stop - unfortunately - at about the 8 3/4 month mark for each kiddo.

I have an obsession for paper.  I love moleskin journals.  I smell leather books and inhale the richness. I currently have a nightstand full of half-started journals from varying moments in my life. In the recess of my "I would love to" reality lies a crazy vast library of completed journals ... that my kids will one day be able to sift through and read ... and gain insight into just who their mother was.

Sometimes I tell myself that this blog is my journal, but if I'm honest with myself ... it can never really be that.  I chose to blog publicly about our experience living overseas, and in that decision, determined to filter my writing and the words that I share with you. So while I will continue to blog here, I need to find something that is a bit more personal, honest and raw.

I love the way Karen journals ... and have started a similar type of journal myself.  It is chaotic, real-time, practical and meaningful ... all at the same time.  I'm hoping that with her encouragement to just capture all of life in one place, that I will do away with my brief love affairs with deep and thoughtful journaling (what I've tried to do in the past) and instead just write ... grocery lists, quotes, chinese fortunes from cookies, lyrics to songs and ... dreams and aspirations ... all at the same time and in the same pages of one book.

What is on your list of goals for 2011?  Do you set resolutions?

Snobby People Holding Hands

I've  been wanting to write about this for awhile, but always felt it was too sticky of a topic to "put out there."

We recently brunched at a popular restaurant for expats. I made the comment to the Husb that we really never have to worry too much about being the most obnoxious expats in any given situation, because there will ALWAYS be one family or one person that just takes the cake.

Whether it's an attitude of entitlement, or rude treatment of the staff/waiters, or a demanding nature ... there are some snobby people out there!

I recently saw this piece of art by Sami Sunchild on a friend's blog and it hit me.  We should all be required - - wherever we travel -- to be held to a certain set of rules, if you will.

Can you read it?

It says ::

When you travel, take peacemaking, friendship, learning, and listening as your sacred duty.

Refuse to carry with you an empty head or an empty heart.

Give thanks for every human encounter, every animal, bird, plant, and being that shares this gorgeous planet.

Thank them, talk to them, and nourish them.

Let no greed or selfish thoughts distract you.

Let no anger, anxiety, or bitterness accompany you.

Travel unencumbered by too much stuff or by too many pre-conceived ideas.

Enter every new encounter with gratitude for another opportunity to learn and listen, to be the happiest and best travel ambassador on earth.

Affirm your natural ability to balance out the injustices of the world.

Know that hate crimes will cease when we listen to each other, when selfishness and envy are replaced with compassion, and when enemies become friends.

Hold in your mind a vision of a peaceful world where travelers are the sowers of the seeds of joy.

We should all be treating our adopted countries as our own ... and the people inside of it, as our neighbors ... and our experiences as opportunities to learn, instead of finding the worst in those situations.

You may find Sami's words a bit foo-foo, but why not start to be more intentional about what we set out to do each day?  Why not strive for a bigger and fuller life?  Why not attempt to leave our own corner of the world a tiny bit better than when we found it?

We should walk more gently, listen with the intent of learning and take advantage of the experiences we've chosen ... and let them better us.

Moving overseas

I read a lot of blogs.  I don't comment on many of them, but I read a LOT.  The other day I read one that I had to share ...

Written by Fanni and posted at Expatify

Moving overseas can be a very bad idea for some people and here’s why:

1. You may stay longer than you planned.
The longer you stay the more life at home will go on without you. You will miss the small and big family events. Your friends will develop routines that don’t include you. Making time for your phone calls will become more of an effort for them.

2. It is more difficult to raise children without family and friends nearby.
You may not realise how much you rely on siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents nearby to help with raising children, but everything from babysitting, to moral support is difficult to come by when you’re parenting 6,000 miles away. Skype just doesn’t fill that gap.

3. Cultural isolation.
You will not have a shared history with anyone, except your partner if you have one and then only if he or she is from your home country. You won’t understand the in-jokes at dinner parties, you won’t know the good places to go for buying wardrobe basics, or the best grocery stores for the widest selection or the places to avoid at holidays or that shops close for half a day in the middle of the week.

4. You may have to retrain in order for anyone to take your credentials seriously.
Education systems are becoming more similar across the world but many countries still do not often recognise the qualifications gained in another country. The reasons for this are varied: laws may differ, such as business operating laws and if you work in HR you simply need to learn the new laws. Legal requirements differ such as with medicine where you need to retake exams to show you are competent to the host country’s expected level. Or, the decision to not accept your credentials could be a form of prejudice or ignorance. Can you afford to retrain–can you afford the money or the time?

5. Your identity is challenged.
If you are not moving for your career, but for your partner’s, then you become the trailing spouse—that is your identity, not lawyer, or teacher, or whatever you were at home. If you are travelling for work you become the American or the Australian, or the Brit and you automatically take on all the baggage that label carries with it—the loud American, the sexist Aussie, the Brit who drinks too much. Everyone stereotypes. It will be up to you to show them you’re different but until then, you’ll just be a stereotype.

6. Culture Shock.
It’s hideous. And it is not just for new expats—even after living somewhere five or 10 years you will still experience culture shock. Everyone gets culture shock. You will not be an exception no matter how open minded you think you are, no matter how much you think you want to live in another country.

7. Homesickness.
This will hit when you’ve just returned from a visit home, or when you’ve had a bad night sleep with a new baby or when you’re sick of the weather, or when you see a family get together and you know your family are getting together without you. Or it will hit when your washing machine breaks down and you have no idea how to navigate the little nuances of repairman culture in the host country. How could that be difficult, you ask? (Here all the seasoned expats have a knowing chuckle…)

8. Saying goodbye.
These aren’t just ‘see you next week’ goodbyes. These are ‘see you in a year—hopefully,’ goodbyes. You may go several years before you see some people. Can you imagine that? Or, when you return to your home country, you will say goodbye to the many good friends you have made in your host country. You will never see some of them again.

9. Hearing things about your own country and people that you may not like.
Like the stereotypes above, people in your host culture will have opinions about your home country. Some will be big, loud opinions voiced at inappropriate times, such as a dinner party. Everyone will be watching you for a reaction. Do you a) smile and take it on the chin, b) agree wholeheartedly even if they’re wrong, c) get angry and shout back, or d) offer an equally offensive opinion to see how they like it?

10. You are convinced your home country is the best in the world.
You are setting yourself up for disappointment because either a) you will discover that there are indeed other very fantastic countries in the world, or b) you will hate living in a lesser country.

11. You may not want to go home.
‘This is a good thing!’ you cry out. Yes, and no. If you can’t extend your visa then it’s a bad thing. If you have family back home that will be heartbroken, then it’s a bad thing. If you have friends and family back home that you love and love to be with but you have made a life in your host country then you will be forever torn, and that’s a bad thing.


If you really, truly think you can cope with these 11 factors, then perhaps an expat life could work for you.

I agree with so much of what Fanni says ... but also feel that an expat experience is different for EACH family/couple/situation. 

My mother's expat experience in Kenya is - in some ways - much like my experience here in India.  In other ways though, it is vastly different.  The Husb's experience as a previous expat in various countries is vastly different in most ways than his current situation is now that a wife and kiddos are in tow.

The best advice I can offer anyone who is considering a move abroad is to read, research and ask questions.  Ask some more questions, read some more and add in more research. 

When you're tired of that and can't do anymore ... to copy the advice Ellen was given, go into a situation with no expectations, then at least you won't be disappointed.

If you make the decision to become an expat, and are then disappointed with the outcome, current situation or frustrated with the struggles, then I offer this quote (of which I plan to print and hang on my bathroom mirror!) ::

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance.” ― Author Unknown

Tony-isms

The other day, we stopped to get ice cream at the ice cream cart near school .....

Me :: "Maybe it'd be fun to always do an ice cream stop on Wednesdays"

Tony :: "Why not on mondays?"

Me :: "Well, we need to keep it at only ONE day a week ... so that we're not eating too much sugar."

Tony :: "I have a good idea .... let's stop every day that its hot."

Said ... with all of the seriousness in the world.


It has been a record breaking April in Delhi for heat.  It's hard to believe that it can feel any different than it did last April when Todd first arrived.  Can it really FEEL hotter?  As a friend said on her Facebook status today ... can it feel different at 115 than it does at 103?


The wind is hot and so dry.  It's as if you've opened the pizza oven and are breathing hot, hot air.  My lips are chapped and my chapstick is melted.


There are cracks in the dirt behind our flat and I can guarantee I'm not the only Delhi blogger who has written this week about the heat.


Our car has a handy temperature display, but I'm not sure it's helping my mental state.  To get in the car in the mornings for school at 8:00 am and have it already register 35 Celsius (95 Fahrenheit) bodes REALLY bad for the rest of the day!


We are getting into the habit - QUICKLY - of putting water bottles in the freezer, carrying baby wipes and we definitely aren't doing much time in the markets these days.


The good thing about adjusting to this crazy heat?  When we go on 'summer vacation' this year, it just might feel COOLER than had we stayed in Delhi!!  

In quotation marks ...

I love quotes ... love motivational sayings and love the words of others.

Some I'd like to share with you ::


“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.” ― Emily Post

(or no matter what hand you eat with!)

"What happens today on the other side of the planet, could impact your world tomorrow."

(BBC News following the Haiti earthquake)

People who do all they can, with what they've got, from where they are, No matter how puny their actions, how tiny their steps, or how futile it may seem, they simply have more fun. Way.

(from Notes from the Universe)

Snippets and a Merry Christmas!

I have nothing major to share, except that we are thoroughly enjoying a week in Kerala ... truly God's country ... for our Christmas this year.   I'll post photos of our beach trip once we leave ... I hope you are all enjoying time with your loved ones, celebrating the true meaning of Christmas and making some memories!


Our Family Christmas Photo for you all ::

Some snippets ::


Aren't these gorgeous?  They greeted us recently on the kids' school campus ... beautiful ::

 

* * *

And this greeted us upon arrival at the "beach hotel" ::

Tony read it to Mia and explained "the reason it says X-mas is because that's how Indians spell Christmas"

Had to chuckle at that.

* * *

And I rarely share snippets from others' blogs because there are SO many good ones, that I hate to leave anyone out, but felt this was a definite "must share" ::


Be an Ambassador

* * *

This is quite silly, but I found it humorous ...

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs

* Nuts
* 2 bottle wine
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the wine to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. 

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. 

Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the wine and wipe counter with the cat.
 
Go to Costco and buy cake.

Bingle Jells!

The few

The few who look forward, while always knocking on new doors, no matter how futile it may seem or how insignificant their progress, will carry the many who just keep waiting for things to get better.

And the few will "suddenly" become overnight legends within their families, 'hoods, and countries, while having the most fun, with the most friends, at the most after-parties.


[a bit on the foo-foo, lofty, la-la side of things, but still a nifty thought to keep at the forefront of your mind ... look forward, my friends!]

Smart Man.

How far you go in life depends

on you being ::

tender with the young
compassionate with the aged
sympathetic with the struggling
tolerant of the weak and strong

because someday in your life,

you will have been all of these.

~ George Washington Carver