I have so many things to say about “having a staff” … so many that if I put them all into one post, you’d be reading for days.
I’ll break up my posts into different categories and give a bit more time to each of the various subjects.
Cool?
Let’s start with the kitchen.
If you know me very well, you know that I used to NEVER cook. The term “cook” meant either Green Bean Casserole, Chili or the drive thru. After marrying Todd though, I developed a love for the kitchen. Experimenting, perfecting, trying new things out. It pleases me to menu plan and feed my brood.
I loved my hanging pot rack and really loved my spice rack. I loved that my pots were well-used and worn. While I didn’t like the clean up portion of cooking, I LOVED the shopping, the planning and the cooking part immensely.
When I first heard about the “norm” in India to have a staff, I thought (like all of my other American friends), “HOW COOL” … I mean, how spoiled to have a full staff doing all of the drudgeries of running a household.
When our belongings arrived and the unpacking begun, I wanted so badly to unpack my kitchen. Put things where they belonged and get that room of the house set up first. Little did I know that it was no longer my job. Rosy and Sushila (the cook and the maid) both set to that task immediately and actually SHOO’D me out of my own kitchen.
See … the reality here in India is that it is no longer MY kitchen. It is Rosy’s kitchen.
Yes, I know. I can hear you now. ‘Naomi … don’t complain. Be glad that you get someone who does all of the cooking FOR you.’
How nice would that be, right?
The struggle though, lies in me giving up my control. Giving up the luxury of whipping something up from my head and the satisfaction of a “job well done” when I successfully take random ingredients from my pantry and create something delicious and healthy for my family.
I associate my success as a mother and a wife with the ability to feed them well. Their full bellies and contented smiles after dinner means I’ve succeeded as a mom. You know the feeling when you’ve cooked a meal and you get sour puss looks and “I don’t WANT this” comments … you feel as though you’ve failed.
So, I’ve spent a good portion of the last 6 years perfecting the balance of what’s healthy for my family and what they’ll actually eat, and have learned to not only enjoy it immensely, I thrive on the challenge to find where the scale evens out in the middle.
It also requires some extra steps … this “having a cook” business. Instead of relying simply on my memory power to remember what is a staple in my pantry, or what leftovers I have to work with, or what meat is in the freezer, it requires a daily conversation with Rosy about that day’s menu plan.
Again, I realize that it doesn’t seem like a big deal to simply have a 10 minute conversation about tonight’s dinner … but in reality, that is the end of my responsibility for that part of raising a family. The problem is again with control. After 14 years of being the SOLE decision maker on what my family needs to fill their belly, I … with the boarding of an airplane on July 16th … am now relinquishing the safety and health of my children to someone I barely know.
We will eventually figure out this cooking business and I will provide Rosy with a week’s worth of menus, with the list of ingredients needed and the recipes. We will have our morning chats to ensure that she understands what ingredients we need, and so that I understand what ingredients might not be available at the local markets or at the “Sugar and Spice grocery store.” I will begin to insist that our meat come from somewhere a bit more “normal” instead of arriving at the house still warm (you get what I mean, right?) and we will figure out a balance of when I choose to do the grocery shopping vs. Rosy taking that responsibility.
I will continue to get my children their breakfast in the mornings (which is nice to have that time alone in the house before anyone starts their work day at 9:00) and Rosy will continue to provide lunch for Mia and I once the boys start school.
I will work on my struggle to give up control over one of the KEY elements of being a mom/wife to this family and will give Rosy the controls.
After all, she quietly works in the kitchen all day long to provide great meals for us that are seemingly magically ready at the appointed hour of 6:00 pm … and once we’ve finished our meal, she reappears to do all of the cleanup. “My kitchen” has NEVER before been this clean 24/7.
[By the way … our first Indian food here in the house was a huge success. Rosy made Aloo Gobi (cauliflower and potatoes), dal (beans) and chipati. Mia tasted her serving but deemed it too ‘picy. Tony ate his entire helping and well, Terran and I licked our plates. I’m hoping to implement Indian food into our menu plan twice per week, with Western style food being the main option. Rosy is a great cook and makes the most wicked brownies you’ve tasted … this side of the ocean! We’ll continue to prepare Mac N Cheese on the nights that we have Indian fare until the littles have developed more of a taste for it]
