This post is dedicated to Miss Melissa ... you know who you are.
I've written in the past about the jobs, titles and responsibilities that are attached to being a mother. How those things define who you are. How often it's no longer about what you used to do for a living, or how far you made it through your education years. It's sometimes, pathetically, not even about what your NAME is, as many times you are simply referred to as "Tony's mom."
I knew before we landed in Delhi as a new expat family that my reason for being on this earth was currently defined by three letters - M O M - but had no idea how deep my feelings on the subject ran, UNTIL we landed here and started acclimating.
It almost feels as though you are slowly, slowly ... disappearing.
The things you used to be relied on for, are now passed on to someone else to do. You no longer do even the miniscule of jobs that formerly identified you as a MOM.
Your ID badges that are required for admittance to daily stops (school, club, etc.) all list me as either a "Parent" or a "Spouse" ... not simply Naomi.
Before I got married, I wore several hats. I was a single mom (both financially AND physically) to Terran. I received little to no child support and while chaotic, I thrived at that. I worked two, sometimes three jobs. I relied heavily on family and friends to help with Terran's social and mental well-being (not to mention babysitting!). We got through it. At the end of every day, while I may have been tired, I was satisfied because I had "done it all."
After getting married and quitting my job, I found myself slowly adapting to my new role. My new title. I no longer was the breadwinner and was simply a mother. I was also now a wife, and a daughter-in-law. With those two new jobs, came new requirements and new daily things to work on, perfect and enjoy.
With this recent move and since becoming an expat chick, I am again adapting to my new role. This one though, leaves alot of gaps. It's as though I'm disappearing ... and rather than let that happen, my instant inclination is to over-commit. Find things to volunteer for and ways to spend my day.
How do you best balance the lack of required MOM duty (and even WIFE duty) with a desire to find yourself again?
When you're living in a country where most everything is done FOR you, shouldn't you seize the opportunity and do things that make you happy?
It seems to be so ... seems logical that us expat girls should relish in this time and instead of relinquishing ourselves to disappearing, we should leap for joy and make bucket lists galore. Explore, learn, teach, expand and better ourselves.
Why then ... do alot of the women I talk to still feel over-scheduled, not rested and stressed? Is it the disappearing act and all that's associated with it that leaves us still longing for more?
As we sit around the school campus after drop-off, or carry in our yoga mats, or get in line at the local "grocery store" ... there is alot of discussion about how THIS time should be golden ... yet we feel guilty for doing things that make US happy.
I'm not looking for the answer ... as I'm sure that for each of us expat women, there is a different situation involved (some have traveling spouses, some are the breadwinners, some have children, others do not, some are here with no departure date set and others know the minute they will leave).
I'm simply voicing out loud my struggles with feeling sometimes as though I'm simply disappearing.
