SHOULD MAIDS BE TESTED?

All over the Singapore newspapers and news stations is the story of Sulastri Wardoyo, an Indonesian maid who allegedly failed an "entry test" that Singapore requires for any foreign domestic workers (called "FDW").  Ms. Wardoyo is said to have then committed suicide after failing the test (three times).  The test consists of literacy and numeracy questions.  In order to be allowed to stay in the country and work as a domestic helper, the test must be passed within three days of entry into the country.

MOM (Ministry of Manpower) in Singapore has since been requested to review the effectiveness and legiticmacy of the test (what I'm not sure of is WHO is calling for them to review the test and if they are required to publish their results).

MOM claims that they have run this test without incident or issue for the past six years AND boast a 95% success rate.  However, maid agencies in Singapore disagree and say that most maids they talk to, express difficulties with the test and that the failure rate is more like 50%.

While the test was initially started to improve the quality of domestic help, it has extended to now include English language proficiency and numeracy ability.  

Several people were quoted in the past couple of days as being concerned as to whether the employers HIRING these domestic workers were even concerned with the ability to pass this test ... and many think that the emphasis should instead be on a short series of workshops and classes instead of a pass or fail test.

If there was clarity on what exactly the test TESTED, then maybe it could better be discussed whether the test is necessary. 

Just so you are as informed as I am (which isn't MUCH, as I didn't have as much time as I would have liked to research this topic), the website for the MOM test is HERE .... and some of the images from the test (a sample test) are below (taken from their website). 

I don't know about you, but it sure seems that these are all valid questions.  All things that I would like to be reassured that someone knows before I employ them?  Keeping in mind that at its most basic, this is a JOB ... between an employee and an employer.  In almost ANY other situation, there would most definitely be an aptitude test, a writing test or something similar being administrated before any hiring takes place.  Why is there such a stigma attached to how household help is hired?

Maybe the answer is ... since they provide sample tests on the website ... for an organization to start providing pre-test classes and workshops FOR the test.  That way the concept of having passed the test still remains, yet those taking the test are best prepared?

What do you guys think?  Especially those of you who have lived in a country where hiring a domestic worker is commonplace (whether as a nanny, housekeeper, cook, etc.). 

Do you think there should be a mandatory test before one is able to be hired?  Should such a test only apply to those coming into the country as a foreigner looking for work?

Should this be a government run test, or should it be a private corporation that oversees and monitors the testing?

What say you?

ADAM'S MAMA SAYS ... (a guest post!)

Guest posting time!  

Elizabeth shared this with me and I wanted to share it to you all.  

Elizabeth is the mama to a sweet little boy who is our middle little's best friend.  Best friend ever over the last two years!

Introducing, Elizabeth ::

Okay, if I really knew the secrets of expat bliss I’d have turned this post into a book, sold it to a publisher, and would already been sipping a Bellini at a swanky hotel poolside on my book tour.

But I digress…I hope my shards of collected experience will help your time in India be better for YOU.  That’s all any of us get – the chance to make this experience the best it can be for our family, and if what I’ve lived can help anyone coming after us, then I’ve paid it forward.

I believe that everything you hear about India is simultaneously true and false.  Which is a version of reality that can take some getting used to.  One week, one day, heck sometimes one hour will show you opulence and poverty, joy and abject grief, riotous beauty and revolting filth.  It will make your head spin.

--So my first piece of advice is to take it easy on yourself and on your family.  

Even if you’re an experienced expat, adjusting to India takes time.  A lot more time than you expect.  My unscientific research based on talking to lots of expats over 4 years suggests that feeling at home here takes twice as long on average than anyplace else they have lived.  The good news here is that the same “research” data suggests that India is a place where most expats feel they make more close local friends than anywhere else they have lived, but all in all, expect this to be a more time consuming and perhaps harder settling in journey than you expect.

--Activities, especially kid’s activities.  

Don’t believe the hype.  A lot is available.  And a lot of it is poorly organized and not fun for the kids.  Look for the real gems, which are out there, and don’t follow the herd.  Your kids will be happier and so will you.  I’m sure the example I’m choosing will generate a lot of hate mail, but here goes.  A prime example of this is the DIFL soccer league.  The sign up process is like applying to an Ivy League college, the coaching is non existent, and for my money, any elementary school aged sports program shouldn’t permit shouting at the kids.

A little research led me to the amazing PFC soccer program at the British School sports field and rekindled my son’s love affair with team sports.  So I guess my bottom line here is don’t do “what everyone else is doing” for kid activities – there are alternatives and they take more work to find than in some other expat environments, but it is well worth it.

--Household Staff.  

Here is another area where it pays to take your time.   It sounds so glamorous – a cook to fix whatever your heart desires, someone to drive you anywhere you want to go, never having to clean a toilet.  I totally believed the hype and before I arrived in India I agreed to take over the entire 5 person household staff of my predecessor and promptly added a 6th person (since as a full time working mom I needed a nanny).  And I have lived to regret it and want to save you from my mistakes.

Live here for a month or so and figure out what you really need for help before you become the social safety net/bank/home for a village.  Living in an expat community takes away a lot of privacy to begin with and live in staff means never being alone.

It also means taking on the problems of a lot of other people.

If I could do it again I’d take my time, get settled in, and then see what the reality of my “never lifting a finger” fantasy looks like in the light of the Delhi sun.

For me that would have meant hiring a nanny (no way around that as a full time working parent) and someone to do some food shopping/prep and a 3rd person to drive (since Delhi traffic is tough and parking is virtually non existent) and I’d have them work limited set hours Monday through Friday only.  That would be my ideal , maybe not yours.

My advice is:  Take the time to settle into your life here, see what help you want, and then and only then commit to the virtual adoption process that is employing household staff.

--Privacy.  

This is the hardest part for most people to get used to.  No more privacy – not at home, not at school, not on the weekends.  No matter how much you try to expand your orbit, this is the smallest expat community I’ve ever been a part of.  True story – I have a yahoo account under a pseudonym and this morning I got an email on that account addressed to my real name from someone in another country who referenced my Embassy employment and asked for help with a visa case.

Admittedly I live a more public life than most because of my work, but another expat truth from life in India is the need to adjust to a whole new level of small town life.  No advice for this one apart from letting you know it’s there.

And maybe encouraging everyone to be kind.

It is so easy to feel you know the whole story about everything happening to everyone because of Delhi’s expat fishbowl, but I’d say it’s as true here as anywhere else that you really don’t know what goes on in someone else’s family.

Gandhi said that satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment.  India as an expat is all about the effort.

So go forth with equal measures of gusto and reserve and India will reward you with memories and friendships for a lifetime.

MEMORIES

Random things to share with you from our time at Grandma's house in Nebraska. 

This visit back to the United States has been full of poignant memories, thoughts that have come flooding back without any warning or provocation.  Small things that are quite innocent and that - on an ordinary day - contain very little keepsake value and really, aren't even worth mentioning.


Except that for me, it was a concrete reminder that even though we have created a home in Delhi, a home that likely will not be visited by our children as adults, it is still my responsibility to form lasting memories and moments that will jolt their recall ability with thoughts of "oh, I remember ..."


For example :

This pitcher has always contained orange juice.  For as long as I can remember .... during my 34 years of existence.  There is never even a need to check under the lid to make sure what flavor of juice.  It's just always been Orange Juice.

Dollhouse and Legos


I cannot believe that I didn't get a photo of these two things, so my description will have to do.  A couple of weeks ago, Mia asked me where the Barbies were that I used to play with.  

I looked at her strangely and said "I have no idea what happened to them."  About an hour later, she asked again, "Mama, where did your Barbies go from when you were little?"  I have no idea where this line of questioning was coming from, but she quickly explained that I *should* have kept them for her, to play with while SHE was a little girl.  

Fast forward to arriving at Grandma's house and finding my dollhouse from when I was a little girl ... that Grandma DID save for Mia to play with.  We added a couple of new miniatures (a grand piano, a chandelier and some Christmas lights) and Mia played with the dollhouse to her heart's content.  It was left at Grandma's house and one day, hopefully, Mia will add it to her collection of things -- quite possibly to save for HER little girl to play with.


The lego box that Terran collected as a rugrat is also still at Grandma's house.  I wouldn't be surprised if some of those parts belonged to MY brothers and gave Terran a jumpstart.  Tony dug into that box like it was Christmas.  A sweet moment was hearing Terran tell Tony that when he leaves for college, that Tony would be gifted with HIS box of legos that currently resides in Delhi.



Dinner Bells


Grandma has always had a collection of bells to ring just before dinnertime.  My siblings and I got to take turns ringing the bell when it was time to gather around the table.  We brought her a bell from India during our recent visit, and added it to her collection.

Little Missy being frustrated because she didn't get the bell she wanted.

What things do you have in your homes that you will keep for your children to remember their childhood?  What things have you kept of yours to pass down to them?  What collections do you have and treasure?

ON COOKING and SHOPPING

Soon following the question of "where will we live in Delhi" often comes "what will we eat?"

Rest assured, although you may experience frustration, it is manageable and possible to feed your family well and not too far from what they're used to!

Some of the first things you may be wondering ::

If your family eats beef, please note that beef (as you may be used to) is not sold in India, and instead you can often find buffalo meat, if you are resourceful.  While the taste/texture is different, it can often suffice as a substitute when those cravings hit.



There are several meat contacts to share with you, if you're interested, email me.

Often meat deliveries will be required to be made in bulk, and delivered to your front door.  Do exercise care when ordering bulk orders as you’ll need to freeze some for later use.  Be mindful of the possibility of needing to teach your cook how to properly freeze meat and invest in good quality freezer bags.

Chicken and mutton are readily available and you will soon find your favorite supplier!  You can easily specify which pieces you wish to purchase and request bone in or boneless!

Exercise caution when purchasing fish or seafood products during the hot months in Delhi, as contamination is likely.  Consider trying A.N.A., a service that ice packs caught-that-day seafood from Kerala and delivers to your doorstep.  ANA, 9899408911 or 4560-8738

Often, markets such as INA will have a wide variety of fish, but know ahead of time that the shopping experience can be daunting as often your selection is still swimming before you purchase, and the cleaning process may not be up to your standards.  Take care to rid the fish of all bones and make sure that you see that the seafood is cleaned thoroughly after you arrive home.

If you have children who may be sensitive, consider not taking them along for the purchase of meat and seafood. It likely will not be an experience they are used to, and can render that nights’ dinner pointless.

Nearly every market has a wide variety of vegetables, and you can also have organic produce delivered to your home, as well as arranging for home delivery from your local market.  The same concept of thoroughly washing applies to all vegetables/fruits where the skin is eaten. Bananas, mangos, papayas, etc. do not need to be as carefully washed as the inside fruit is what is consumed. 

Again, I have several contacts for the delivery of organic greens, vegetables and fruits, email me.  One that I can publish freely is The Altitude Store.

Another component of food and shopping is the luxury of having your grocery items delivered straight to your home.  Most local groceries have a minimum order (which is a minimal amount) and you can simply have a standing order for once-a-week sundries such as bread, peanut butter, milk, juices, etc. or call with specific requests. 



The most popular shops are ::


Le Marche
Modern Bazaar
Nature's Basket
Spencers


Whether you decide to employ a cook or do the food preparation yourself, you will soon fall into a routine on how to best provide sustenance for your family.  


In our household, we find it works the smoothest when I create a weekly menu for Shanti.  This saves undue stress at the last minute when one of us needs to come up with a plan for dinner.  It also helps to make sure that we are eating a good balance of various items (instead of spaghetti every night).


Questions?

STAFF and HOUSEHOLD HELP

I've already written about how I feel about having a house full of staff.  But, so many of you ask about the rules, requirements and how to literally GO about finding and hiring a staff.

Disclaimer :: This is only my opinion and perception.  There are other ways to go about this, and other things to consider.  Please weigh in, in the comments, with your additions and suggestions.


FINDING staff ::

There are several ways to go about finding staff.  Domesteq offers staffing solutions, though I've not used them personally.  The American Womens Association runs a Domestic Staff Registry.  Quite honestly though, the best option in my opinion is to join one of the many list servs here in Delhi and conduct interviews based off of word of mouth. 

 
Contracts ::



When we hired our crew, we created contracts for each one of them.  There was a little bit of push back, and we're not entirely sure that everyone understands the "small print" but it was necessary for us to have the peace of mind that there were signatures at the end of the contracts.

We spelled out holiday policies, the hours they were expected to work, how we would handle loans (simply stated that "forward loans were not encouraged"), whether we would give a uniform allowance, how we would pay conveyance, and whether annual raises would be automatically considered.  


If you are interested in the contract format that we used, email me and I'll be happy to email it back to you.

Live in vs. Live out ::


When we first arrived in Delhi, we had our cook/ayah living in our home with us.  We had adequate space for quarters on our roof, but the stairs are a bit tedious and most women didn't have any interest in living in the quarters.  


To note if you've never seen "quarters" - typically they consist of ONE room, typically with no air conditioning.  Sizes range, but are smaller than a typical on-the-small-side United States bedroom.  Often entire families live in these quarters and while it seems quite uncomfortable to me, quarters offered as part of an employment agreement are a GOOD thing, as it means the family will not have to pay rent.
 

We had space in our basement for two rooms, so we allowed her to live with us.  For many reasons, this did not work out.  I'm a creature of habit and enjoy having my mornings to myself.  I was also having a hard time with all of the things that go along with having a long-term house guest. Eventually we hired someone else, and we will never again have a live-in staff member INSIDE the house. 


For many families though, this situation and option creates much calm and order for the family, in that the person you rely on for so many tasks is right there and available to you.  Consider the pros and cons of having someone live in ... as well as the ramifications of having someone move in -- only to realize later that it is not a workable situation for your family.  Asking a staff member to move in with you, only to realize 1-2 months later that it is not workable creates havoc for that family, in that they are now without a place to live, and must move.


Typical Positions ::


Ayah - otherwise known as a nanny.  This position typically cares for young children in the home.  Some parents choose to make it a 10 hour workday, with the ayah being responsible for all duties relating to the children.  Because of the ages of our children, we only use an ayah for weekend/evening babysitting, as well as childcare in the afternoons for our youngest little.

Cook - a cook is not a required position, but because of the necessary sanitizing of fruits/vegetables and the sometimes frustrating shopping experience, a cook is a nice position to employ!  We required our cook to read and speak English -- as it makes it nice to be able to lay out a recipe and have her follow the instructions.

Driver - in my opinion, a driver is the MOST necessary of staff to hire.  Because of parking issues in Delhi, and the craziness that can ensue on the roads, I can't imagine life any other way.  Not only does our driver know Delhi like the back of his hand, it enables me to travel stress-free to and from our activities, school, etc.  I have entertained the thought of driving here, but with children in the car and my fear of getting hopelessly lost, a driver is the way to go.


Mali - if you have green space at your home, a mali will take care of plants, flowers, gardening, mosquitoes and attempting to keep everything as green as possible!


Guard - Typically hired through a company/agent, guards are responsible to keep unwanted guests away from your front door, take delivery of items in your absence, filter who does make it to your door, collect your mail and most importantly - protect your home.  Typically, most expats hire two guards, in order to have 24/7 protection.


Dhobi - a Dhobi handles the laundry.  Ours happens to do both the washing, ironing AND folding, but some dhobis only are responsible for ironing.


Maid - responsible for the daily cleaning of your home.  Typically a part-time position, be sure to set the record straight on whether they are to clean only, or should also straighten up the piles, toys, etc.  We have had quite the time of getting our gal to not mess with items in the house, as we can't find them later!


For more information and some more experiences, check out Marie's blog