Smiles still look the same ...

When Todd was house-searching, there were several things on the list of "would like to have" as he saw flat after flat after flat.

Some sort of space somewhere for the kids to play.  Many times over I'd been told "children don't play outside during the day ... only at night when the heat has passed."  Even though we figured they knew what they were talking about, we still felt it was important to have green space nearby.

Todd scored in a serious way, with a small park one block away to our left ... and a much larger park to our right.  There is even playground!


It looks "normal" right?  JUST like in the States, right?  And it's JUST down the street ... walking distance.  We are in heaven.  We had to drive to a playground back home, so this is like amazingly wonderful.

Most days, we find it's true that children do NOT play outside until much later in the day ... close to 6:30 pm or so.  We're troopers though (either that or we're BORED) and we go at ANY time of the day, heat or no heat.

We take our cold bottled water and a little package of baby wipes (for cooling our brows) and trek out.

We leave our house and all of the guards snap to attention.  "Good morning (or afternoon) Madam" they say.  We turn the corner and walk past a street cart filled with fruits all displayed just so.  We walk past numerous dogs (street dogs ... NOT to be petted) and round the corner near the Dominos and Cafe.  So far, we seem to be the only non-Indian folks out walking and taking strolls.  No matter though, we're not going to stay "inside" for anything!

We then pass the fresh flowers ... dirt cheap and gorgeous, the street cart with icee cones and the man in his normal spot selling baskets ... piled high on the back of his bicycle.

It all feels normal to us already. 


Guess what else is the same as back home?  The smiles.  We don't need to know Hindi, and these kiddos don't need to know a lick of English.

"Fun" looks the same whether you're in Suburbia somewhere in Ohio ... or in the middle of Delhi, India.

I have felt happy tears well up during our outings at the playground.  Watching my kidlets form bonds with these children ... who they don't know and can't communicate with.  Watching them hold hands with children and take turns on the slide.

[Yesterday, there was a group of street children at the playground.  They seemed to be taking a break from their long day of begging and were simply getting in some playtime.  Out of the 5 that were there, 3 of them were naked ... head to toe.  Mia sat down next to the baby (I'd guess 8-12 months?) and just looked intently.  She didn't say anything except "Hi baby" and then walked away.  Tony also didn't have anything negative to say about their cloth-less bodies except to ask where their parents were.  Fascinating to me to see/hear the way my children are processing all of this.]

[another side note :: I am kind of apprehensive about photo taking. I want to capture dozens of photos, but I want to also respect the subjects of my photos.  I haven't figured out the appropriate way to ask ... or to discreetly snap photos.  Hoping I figure that out soon, because I want to share the images and sights, sounds and smells with you through my camera.]

 

Look closely ... can you see Mia's little hand poking out from the crowd on that slide?

Cats and Dogs.


I don't know what "monsoon season" normally looks like, but I reckon it's here!

* * * 

I had the above written and in "draft" last night.  Dinner was a huge success, the littles were in bed and I was taking some much needed quiet time to myself.  I was about to pour a glass of wine when Todd walked in from work and said "the house is flooding."

I was going to write a nice little post about how refreshing the rains are.  How it cools the city down and is a welcome respite from the stifling heat and humidity of summer in Delhi. 

Instead the rains last night caused (in one respect) and greated added to (in another respect) the makings of a very frustrating evening.

We spent the next couple of hours with nearly every towel in the house and the squeegee as we tried to get the water OUT of the house and away from boxes, furniture and our rugs.  It wasn't a CRAZY flood issue, as we only had an inch or so of water in the house, and thank goodness we don't have a lick of carpet anywhere!

Our guard was so helpful and several times yelled in Hindi "Mum should NOT be worrying herself with this mess."

Shortly after we got the water all cleaned up, the power started to flicker.  No worries, I thought -- give the automatic generator about 4 seconds and we'd be back to normal.  Not so.  The generator sputtered, coughed and then quit.

The next 3 hours were then spent in total darkness, smothering stillness in the house because of lack of A/C or fans.  We called Sanjeev, the facility manager and it was decided that our contactors (?) fried and completely blew.

We got the generator working (thanks to Sanjeev) and got a couple of hours of sleep.

Thank goodness Delhi doesn't get anywhere near the rainfall that the Southern parts of India receives!

How we're all doing.

I have neglected to provide a status update on the general well being of this family.

The first week was expectedly rough, as we recovered from jet lag.  It affected us all differently, with the most pronounced issues being dizziness, a constant feeling of an upset stomach, foggy speech and thinking patterns, overheating very easily and quickly, and getting little to no sleep. 

Everyone has seemingly beat the jet lag funk and as of last night, everyone is sleeping in their OWN beds, at the appointed time for sweet dreams, and waking up shortly after the sun rises.

Terran is adjusting marvelously and I think he's pretty excited for school to start (August 4th).  He's already met several kids that are starting Grade 9, as well as one of the track coaches.  His room is in massive disarray as we figure out what shelving and storage he needs, but his xBox is hooked up and that seems to be all that matters!

Tony is also doing really well, albeit a bit perturbed that he has yet to start school and has not been able to take a formal tour of the grounds.  We've "snuck in" to see some of the classrooms and took a peek at his playground.  He is such a kick, asking Rosy every morning to teach him a new Hindi word. 

The boys will both be going to the same school, located on the same gated compound.  They will be taken to school by the driver, Kushal, and Terran will walk Tony to the elementary school portion of the grounds. 

Mia has been registered for playschool.  We found a wonderful Montessori school that she started at yesterday.  She was such a big girl ... when I asked her if she needed me to stay, she looked me and stated a resounding "NO!"   All of the children in her classroom are Indian, as are her three teachers. I'm not sure what I think about her being gone EVERY morning (8:30 - 12:00) but we'll take it one step at a time and see if this momma can let go of her baby for "school."

Todd is still crazy busy at work and it seems that may never change.  Always so much to do and not enough hours in the day.  I think he is relieved that we are here now and that our family is complete again and on the same continent.  He squeezes out every possible moment on the weekends and it's hard to let him leave for work in the mornings!

Me.  I'm officially now an expat mum.  Most moments I would say that I'm also doing great.  India is indeed a magical place and it has so many facets of interest that I fear I will never be able to do it justice.  I do have a very large part of my heart that is homesick.  I miss my friends.  I miss being able to pick up the phone and say "What's up?" without figuring in the time difference.  I miss the "normalcy" of what I've been accustomed to for so many years.  I miss knowing what to expect and I definitely miss the quiet of our house/yard and the smell of fresh air. 

I am still working my way towards "organized" with all matters relating to staff, and the managing of this household.  I am hoping to get the house fully unpacked and settled by the end of this week.  As we get closer to our things finding their 'permanent home' and the walls dressed with familiar artwork and photos, this house is beginning to feel more like home. 

This was a good move ... and it can only get better from here.  My ability to put things into perspective has been challenged nearly EVERY minute since we landed in India.  My mind struggles to keep up with the requirements to process so many things at any given time, and I can only imagine that because of it, I am changing ... with each of those minutes.  Changing into a better me. 

Relax.

This term is going to soon become my new mantra. 

Relax. Take it in. Absorb. Process. 

The words, the stories are piling up in my head. It sadly feels like I will soon misplace the early experiences, like clothes in the back of your closet if I don't take the time to document it all. 

I really need to relax about so many of the little nuances and issues so that I can simply write and protect these moments in my memory.

The pathetic thing is that I've my very own army ready and waiting to HELP and to DO the things for me which then allows me to have that time I want so badly to just write. 

In time - I'll learn to relax, let go and let others. 

[update :: The jet lag is gone and the house is nearly unpacked!  I'll blog soon with answers to your questions, and stories of swim lessons, Mia's first day at school, our anniversary dinner and Terran hooking up with his buddies on xBox Live!]



Sent from my iPhone

Move In Day!!

I will blog about this more once we get settled and enjoy our weekend,
but our things have arrived!!!

This is my piano being taken up the stairs. I held my breath the
entire way!

There were 11 guys and 4 truck loads and lots of yelling!

To market we go

 
Take two ... back to the INA Market as we were having fish for dinner last night.  This ain't your neighborhood Krogers or Giant Eagle, people.

In an effort to hopefully somewhat adequately describe this experience ... I can tell you that INA is a closed market (not open air) and has what seems to be hundreds of shops. 

From plasticware to shoes, saris and fabrics, vegetables, meat, fish (both live and already processed), live animals, cheeses, grains, spices, stationery, even "American" items like Lucky Charms and Jif peanut butter.

There are no spiffy clean tile floors, no shopping carts and orderly shopping.  There is no hand sanitizer when you first enter, and there is definitely no elevator music to lull your ears while you shop.  

There is no mindless shopping here either ... you don't have aisles and aisles and shelves upon shelves to choose from, while on the other hand, there are some instances of MORE than you could ever imagine to choose from.

As you walk through the maze of shops, shop owners call out to you "Need something today, madam?"  or "What can I get for you, madam?"  It is a noisy experience.  Bargaining and negotiation for the best price is a constant.

The smell is pretty hard to convey.  Tony had a VERY hard time in this environment because of the smell and the heat.  As an adult, I have been able to mentally push past the smells.  It is a combination of all of those spices, the fresh meat, the animals (and all that comes with animals in containers), loads of hot/sweaty bodies, and simply the smell of India, etc. all combines for a pretty powerful sensory overload.

As we walked by the chickens, ducks, roosters and fish -- the kids said "awwwwww mom ... look at the animals!"

Little did they know that if they wanted chicken for dinner, one less "cute little animal" would still be sitting in that cage.
  

This catfish ... was a rather hysterical story.  A woman had asked to purchase a catfish ... once wrangled out of the blue bucket, he somehow escaped from his plastic bag (en route to be ... well ... ready to take home for dinner).  He flopped around the market floor for what seemed like an hour as all of the shop owners chased him around.  The kids found THIS rather amusing.
  
  
Oh ... the fabrics...  I think I've gone to heaven.  I canNOT wait until my sewing machine arrives!
 

I'm going to enjoy our times at the markets!  I am looking forward to trying out Khan, Nehru Place and Daali Haat (forgive my spelling?) after the kids start school!

Disparity ...

dis·par·i·ty (d-spr-t)
n. pl. dis·par·i·ties

1. The condition or fact of being unequal, as in age, rank, or degree; difference: "narrow the economic disparities among regions and industries" (Courtenay Slater).

2. Unlikeness; incongruity.

I first witnessed a very drastic, almost vulgar, example of disparity when I accompanied Terran to Kenya to spend the summer with my mother. 

I am now seeing displays of disparity on a daily basis ... even minute - by - minute.

Sunday we went as a family (how amazingly beautiful it is to be back together as a family again) to brunch in Gurgaon.  The drive is about 30 minutes (without traffic) and we were all SO hungry.  Champagne on the house, Todd's drink of choice - also on the house.  A children's section with appropriate food selections, movies and a play place that was fully staffed for OUR enjoyment.  Cook to order lobster, giant prawns (I promise, you have NEVER seen prawns like these), classic Indian food, and other delectable choices ... my eyes were HUGE. 
 
We left satisfied, stuffed to the gills and happy.  Just like we *should* be on a Sunday afternoon, right?
Then as we left, we saw this ::



Disparity is something we witness - with all of our five senses - daily.

We drive in an air-conditioned car to and from our outings ... and while we are driven by Kushal, our driver ... we see people walking in the heat of the day with sweat dripping from their brow.

We eat our lunch at the American Embassy Club on cushioned chairs and with an umbrella over our heads ... and then smell the corn roasting on the sidewalk with children lined up to pay a couple of rupees to eat what might be their only meal for the day.

We see the sights with a virtual tour guide (again, Kushal) pointing out the locations of various places ... while a blinded child raps on our window begging for money.

We live in a home that is quite comfortably large - even by American standards - and complain because our household possessions have still not been delivered ... while others just down the street from us are living under ramshack and makeshift tents.

We let the faucet run aimlessly while we brush our teeth and take long showers ... while just behind the kids' school, the water truck delivers water to families that only can take as much as they can carry ... to then last them an entire week.


I remember when we were in Kenya, thinking that I needed to apologize for having been born in the United States.  I felt as though I should feel badly for not appreciating all of the things that I have. I remember struggling with the feeling that I was so spoiled and should not take for granted the fortune that I experienced from the day I was born through today.  I have every luxury (for the most part) afforded to me without much effort ... and there are so many that struggle with the simple things in life.

I realized though yesterday that I shouldn't feel undeserving of the life that I've been given ... as long as I DO something with it.  As long as I use what I have to better the life of another, I do not need to feel that the disparities are so great that they render me simply coddled or pampered.  Instead, I hope to choose actions that enrich the life of someone less fortunate.

There are fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is surely yours is the present, hence this is the time to speak the word of appreciation and sympathy, to do the generous deed, to sacrifice self a little more for others. Today is the day in which to express your noblest qualities of mind and heart, to do at least one worthy thing which you have long postponed, and to use your God-given abilities for the enrichment of someone less fortunate. Today you can make your life - significant and worthwhile. The present is yours to do with as you will.    ~Grenville Kleiser

Eclipse - July 22, 2009


We were fortunate enough to be on the "right side of the world" this morning and were able to view the total eclipse. Here in Delhi, it was really only about 88% that we could view, but it was stunning regardless.

My photos don't do it justice ... but I wanted to share ...




 
  
  
  
  
  
 

Exhale...

Email excerpt from Joe ... a friend of my mom's in Africa :

I hope your moving to India is fabulous and that you will personally like it. I can imagine you are thinking of the Taj Mahal or life in New Delhi. When you get there exhale, prevail, enjoy & cherish, pray...make new friends but don't shortlist the old ones. WISHING YOU FORTUNE, SAFETY AND GREATNESS IN IT ALL FOR ALL YOUR FAMILY
Joe ... we ARE exhaling!!


There was no better feeling than arriving at the airport ... and seeing Todd through the crowds. Tony literally RAN into his arms. Such a good feeling to be BACK together again.

Gotta be quick with this post ... we are heading out to swim, find the playground and go to the market!

Quick Blurb #1 :: This is what we arrived home to on Friday night -


It's called Rangoli and is just beautiful!

Quick Blurb #2 :: Mia has fallen in love with Rosy (which she pronounces Ro-C) ... I have to be honest and say that I'm already feeling twinges of jealousy!


Quick Blurb #3 :: I also arrived to my new home to THESE all over the house. Gorgeous.


Quick Blurb #4 :: Todd arranged for massages for all of us the night we arrived ... can you say heaven?

Quick Blurb #5 :: Nothing beats a Sunday morning in Delhi when you have Bisquick pancake mix, pigeons just outside your kitchen window, Baileys in your coffee and Scooby Doo on TV!

Getting around.



I keep meaning to blog.

I keep thinking of thousands of things to say.

I keep seeing images and visuals that I desperately want to share with you all.

It is hard to put into words what it feels like to "be in India." Sure, the immediate and easy answer that slips off of my tongue if I don't mind my answers is "it's hot" or "it's humid" or "it doesn't smell like the United States." But it's so much deeper than that. There is so much to experience at any given moment, that I'm trying my darndest to just soak it all up.

Bear with me ... and I'll try to "do it" justice.

* * *

I think we are doing the best we can to adjust to the time change difference ... we all sleep when it's dark and have done a decent job of being awake when the sun is up. We have done our best to stay hydrated and only drink filtered water. I am feeling a bit under the weather (not sure if its the beginning of "Delhi Belly" or if I'm just wiped out) and the kids desperately are longing for something (a/k/a toys) that belong to them. Terran is slightly frustrated that while he has a brand new cell phone (YES! He has graduated to being a "big kid" and finally gets a cell phone!) ... that he can't text his buddies from the United States.

* * *

Our shipment of household belongings is due to arrive Wednesday, we hope. I am still drafting my formal complaint letter to Allied Van Lines, and won't bore you with the details of my sheer aggravation and utter frustration with this part of the process.

If you are going to be making an international move without the assistance of the government/military, please feel free to email me for my observations, suggestions and tips on what questions you need to ask and what information you NEED to know before you embark on this journey!

* * *

I'm going to investigate some options to be able to provide you with easy access to my photos, without having to leave the blog site ... stay tuned on that!

I also hope to eventually begin responding to your thoughts and questions here directly in the comment section. Please feel free to check back often to re-read the comment thread/string!!

Enough ...

from a forwarded email from a dear friend ... I wanted to share it with you :






I pray you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I pray you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I pray you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

We have arrived.

More later. Time to catch up with my Husb and these kids' dad.

Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers!! It all went as well as
it possibly could!!

Sent from my iPhone

Crownless in Frankfurt

Must be quick ... I kicked someone off of a free 'work' computer so that I could send this post (because I'm too cheap to pay for wireless)

We have arrived in Frankfurt, everyone is alive and still smiling for the most part (even though I lost a crown ... the timing, eh?)

We are anxious to get to Delhi.  Anxious isn't even the word.  2 more hours until we board again ... and then a 8ish hour flight. 

We are working our way!!

How to "move-proof" your marriage - Part Theen

[Read Part Do (i.e. Part Two) HERE  ... and Part Ek (i.e. Part One) HERE]


What India has already taught me [a/k/a what I've learned during this move to Delhi, and how it relates to marriage as I know it ... a SAHM with two littles and a big kid at home, with a very hard-working husband] :

3.  STATE YOUR INTENTIONS.


This really does seem like an obvious and you may roll your eyes when you read this, but a good marriage -- in my eyes -- is based largely on both parties clearly stating their intentions.  If you want something, for goodness sakes, say so.

 
courtesy of thiseclecticlife's Flickr page


If you want a date night out with your man, and don't want to make any of the arrangements ... say so.  Then when he DOES make all of the plans, graciously do NOT whine or grimace about ANY of them!


If you want him to help unload the dishwasher so that YOU can read a bedtime story to the kids without the nasty dishes on the to-do list, say so (and then do NOT gripe about how he loaded the durned thing.)

If you need him to just listen to you and not offer any advice (because a good man knows how to FIX things ... ) just SAY "babe, I need you to just listen to me."

There have been countless moments through this relocation process that have made both of our heads spin ... and during all of those moments, I began to realize that we worked together better when I took a breath, thought for a minute and then SPOKE my needs to him. 

I have spent way too many years of our marriage assuming that he would just KNOW what I wanted or needed.  Isn't that what marriage is about, after all?  Meeting the man of your dreams who knows your every whim and dream?

It has been a slow and sometimes painful road for both of us to the place where I now know that my darling dear cannot possibly guess what twisted and manic wishes/desires are rolling around in my head.


I need to verbalize and SAY what I need to say.  Instead I too often got soo irritated because he didn't respond appropriately (said the little voice in my head) or do what I wanted him to do (mind you, I never let him in on that secret)  --- never realizing that the problem laid with me.  How on earth is he supposed to guess blindly at what I needed?

When I truly take a moment to think through what I need ... and then speak it out loud ... magic happens.  


Is it easy for you to state your intentions?  Does it come naturally to you, or do you have to work at it?

Our home for the next 12 hours

Bubbles at ORD

You can't see the bubbles in our photos, but we sure blew them!

We are currently waiting to board our Chicago to Frankfurt plane.
Hallelujah for business class seats and the lounge that goes along
with it!

Bubbles in Atlanta!

Barf Bag, anyone?



Depart: Atlanta, GA
Arrive:
Chicago, IL



Depart: Chicago, IL  
Arrive:
Frankfurt, Germany 

Depart: Frankfurt, Germany
Arrive:
Delhi, India 


Total duration: 23hr 20min
Total miles: 8737 miles

Georgia on my mind.


We have had an amazing two weeks in Georgia.
:: :: :: :: :: :: ::
  • a family reunion on Mimi's side (46 strong)
  • swimming nearly daily at the hacienda
  • creek schlepping
  • watching spiders build intricate webs
  • fishing with Papa
  • Sushi with Aunt Carla (yummo!) and My Sister's Keeper (crying, crying and more crying)
  • LOADS of eating and food (pulled pork, Picadillo, fried plantains, Brunswick Stew, deviled crabs)
  • fireworks that you wouldn't believe from Uncle Pete
  • crafting, crafting and more crafting
  • low well tables meant an afternoon at the laundromat with Mimi (and Dairy Queen)
  • Build-a-Bear (AGAIN)
  • a trip today to the Georgia Aquarium
  • Six Flags tomorrow for Terran and I
I've had many mornings of waking up to the smell of coffee, the little pitter patter of feet and had a strange sudden realization that this hasn't been our normal summer visit to Georgia.  Instead of knowing what "home" looks like when our visit has come to an end, we embark on  a "wait and see" adventure come Thursday.

This has been a much needed rejuvenation phase for us ... we've been spoiled by Mimi's cooking, Papa's activities with the kids, Terran having buddies to hang with and lazy together time with my sisters-in-law.

The kids and I drove by our old house the other day.  Kind of bittersweet to see the home that we started this journey in.  Of course, Tony doesn't remember it and Terran wistfully recounted his favorite memories from that neighborhood.

It's been a good two weeks.  A good two weeks, indeed.

How to "move-proof" your marriage - Part Do

[Read Part Ek (i.e. Part One) HERE]

What India has already taught me [a/k/a what I've learned during this move to Delhi, and how it relates to marriage as I know it ... a SAHM with two littles and a big kid at home, with a very hard-working husband] :

BE CREATIVE.



Whether you are thousands of miles away or the only miles that separate you are the 20 or so miles between home and work, motivate yourself to be creative with your husband.

I have tried to come up with simple ways to make this separation easier on everyone and more enjoyable.  We're going on three months and I really wanted my Husb to understand that we think of him all of the time ... miss him terribly and are literally counting down the days until we're back in the same zip code again.  (Do they call them zip codes overseas?)

  • Take random photos throughout the day with your camera and email them to him.  Let him be a part of your day with the kids.  What may be mundane, silly or normal everyday to you (i.e. grocery shopping WITH kids) is something that he very rarely gets to participate in.  Let him in for a bit on your life.
  • Send him an email on random occasions with an attached .mp3 file of a song that makes you think of him.
  • Send a card with him on his next business trip, or to his place of employment.  Whether it be from you or from the kids, it will brighten his day to have something cheerful to open.
  • If he goes to bed before you do and rises before you in the morning, leave a note in the bathroom for him to read as he's getting ready for work. 
  • Designate a code word for the two of you that signifies something special. Use it in a quick email ... or at the beginning of a Skype call.  Use your code word artfully and take a photo of a 'creation of sorts' that illustrates your code word.
  • Change your pin number for your debit card or a password for something you use often to commemorate a special moment/date/memory that you share with your husband.  Nothing like memory recall when you type/enter that!
There are 100s of other cheap, free and creative ways to celebrate your relationship and provide reminders of home.  What other suggestions can you add?

Barefoot and Muddy.

After posting yesterday about taking time for yourself, I realized that sometimes your littles can be PRESENT with you and one can STILL get much needed relaxation and rejuvenation time.

What we did today :


Nothin' better than Mimi and Papa's creek!!

Take Time.



Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen.


Have you taken any time recently to have a little relaxation?

What I consider relaxation varies from day to day and can take on many different shapes.

One day it might be making an effort to drink my morning cup of coffee while it's ALL still hot.

Other moments, I crave a pedicure.  Some weeks almost demand a massage (please tell me you've had one before?).  Other times it is simply getting 10 minutes to lay in the grass and stare up into the sky, uninterrupted.

There are times that I run a hot bath, with fizzy stuff and attempt to read a book, but most times I get too hot and crabby after 5 minutes and end up sitting in front of a fan, without having gotten any chapters read from the book.

I think that we all need a break from the go-go-go and the to-do list.  It sounds obvious, right?  Of COURSE we all need a reprieve from the daily grind ... but how often do we really make an effort to do it?

Can you remember the last time you set aside the obligations of the day, of the week and just set aside time for YOU?

I get my best ME time when I'm writing, journaling and listening to music.  I often explore last.fm or Pandora to educate myself on new-to-me music.  When I can think clearly enough to plan ahead, I also very much enjoy pilates or yoga for some head-clearing time to myself.

Since this whole overseas relocation started, I have also taken to more regular pampering exercises, often at the suggestion of my Husb.

When I don't take time for myself, I can almost watch myself fall apart, lose patience with those around me and forget where I should be focused on.

Lots of moms I talk to say that they don't make time for themselves, because they feel spoiled.  They say its wasteful to take that time, get a pedicure and not be with their kiddos.  I'm not spoiled, I'm just hoping for a more balanced life, and a happier momma.

I have really needed to make a conscious effort through this process to set aside time for myself.  I wish I was able to help Todd carve out some time from his busy schedule to get some "Todd time" ... we sure all need it!  Hoping to have that high on my list of priorities when we finally arrive in Delhi ... helping him take time and focus on himself a bit more!

Ready to get your massage on?   Some of my favorites ... 

LS Day Spa (Omaha, Nebraska)

Alicia's Massotherapy (Bainbridge, Ohio)

When weebles fall down.


Recently when I participated in physical therapy for my knee/leg due to a running injury, I was instructed to use the wobble board.  The wobble board is CRAZY hard.  Just when you think you've gotten your balance, you over-correct and find yourself right back where you started.  The energy needed to keep your feet level and perpendicular to each other is immense and the exercise is tiring.

The wobble board ... and the constant effort needed to keep your balance and your center evenly distributed at all times ... builds your core strength while stretching and strengthening your problem areas.

(Note : remember the wobble board.  I'll come back 'round to it and it WILL make sense later, I promise.  A conversation Mrs. L from Texas made this analogy perfectly clear to me ... and I hope I can relay it to you just as clearly)

I feel like I've been remiss in my pledge to posting honestly on this blog.  I think ... if I am 100% open with you all ... that I've even been a bit misleading with my closest of friends and family.

I feel like I've been living on a wobble board for the past 82 days (translated : a damn long time) both emotionally and mentally.

The truth is, I'm quite often a mess.  Most days, I'm nearly on the verge of tears from sheer exhaustion or frustration.

I keep hearing "wow, you are so amazing" and "Naomi, I just DONT know how you're doing all of this."

I'm not a super hero, or someone to admire, really.  I'm not getting Mother of The Year '09 and for SURE am not winning points in the friendship department. 

See, I plaster on a face every morning when I wake up.  It's a face of "all-together-now".  It comes complete with that smile ... that smile that reassures you all that I'm handling this like a trooper.  It comes with bright and shining eyes that portray 100% excitement about the adventure we're about to start.  It also comes with a tongue that I've been biting for most of those 82 days.  It comes with "cute" outfits (because as Mrs. L says, looking good is one thing that you CAN control when life feels like it's rapidly spiraling downward) and perky answers to your questions about life in Delhi, India.

This isn't about India though.

This also isn't about solo parenting.

It's about trying to navigate a HUGE life change ... without my husband by my side.

It's about trying to make sense of what our family needs most right now ... without him to talk it through at every stage of the game.

It's about needing to be told "this is going to be GOOD" ... from the person that means the most to me.  He truly is my rock ... the one that I look to when I need reassurance ... and the one that reminds me that I'm ok.  He is the guy that can calm my fears with just a squeeze of my shoulders and can right my upside-down-ness with a simple "I love you."

I have done a wicked job of holding it all together.  I've perfected the pat answers to the typical questions about our upcoming move.  But when I'm alone at night ... or when I'm on the phone with Todd ... I melt.

I've rocked the process of actually coordinating this move.  I've navigated unknown waters of sea shipments, international school applications, vaccinations/immunizations, relocating animals, readying a house to be put on the market and virtually "closing up shop" in the past 82 days.  I have efficiently gotten our family from a seemingly normal existence in the snowglobe of Ohio to the current upheaval of living out of suitcases for the past four weeks.  I've done all of that ... with that stupid plastered smile on my face.  But at night, I cry.

See, the person that I chose six years ago to stand by my side ... during the hard times and the good times ... has physically been absent.  He's been over 8,000 miles away since the middle of April ... forging our path and working LONG hours these past 82 days.  He's been adapting to a foreign culture, a new environment, ridiculous demands on his mind and body, cross country travel and sleepless nights ... and doing it all for us. 

We work together as a team so incredibly well ... he is 100% the person that brings resolution to my manic-ness.

I've been balancing on this wobbleboard for 82 days ... for far too long now ... without the one person that I want so terribly to hold my hand and help me find my center.

When I lean too far to the left - as I try to overcompensate for these kids having to say goodbye to their friends and family - I need him here to guide me back to "still".

When my legs get shaky and I can't seem to find my balance because I'm overwhelmed with the to-do list, I need his hands to steady me.

When I'm just in need of someone to hold me up because I'm exhausted, I need my life-blood to be on real time, not 9.5 hours ahead of me in his day/night.


Don't get me wrong

The kids and I are having a BLAST celebrating holidays, birthdays, splashing in the pool, having a grand ole' time during these final weeks of being 'state-side' ... but in reality, I want more than anything for HIM to be along for this ride.  Nothing is making it more apparent and in-my-face than spending our last two weeks with HIS family.  Laughter, memories and great photos.

He should be here.

My ability to keep the wobble board upright is slowly waning ... it actually has been for quite awhile now.  I just have been trying my hardest to pretend that it's all ok.

My new phrase that my kidlets are T.I.R.E.D. of hearing by now is "Momma is doing the best she possibly can."

Don't put me on a pedestal or covet this new adventure.  I'm just a girl ... doing the best she can ... who misses her husband.

Somethin' awful.

Independence Day

 
I won't go into a post about what this 4th of July means to me ... it'd be a blathering incoherent mess of a post.  Instead I'll just ask you to listen to one of my favorite songs :
Gives me goosebumps every time I hear it ...
Don't regard yourself as a guardian of freedom unless you respect and preserve the rights of people you disagree with to free, public, unhampered expression.  -Gerard K. O'Neill 

How to "move-proof" your marriage - Part Ek

I originally started writing this weeks ago.  I saved it as I wrote but then realized that it was much too long for ONE post. Part Ek (Hindi for ONE) is posted today ... and the remaining three segments will be posted on Fridays for the next three weeks.


What India has already taught me [a/k/a what I've learned during this move to Delhi, and how it relates to marriage as I know it ... a SAHM with two littles and a big kid at home, with a very hard-working husband] :

MAKE TIME.


Let's face it and be honest ... when one spouse is working and the other is at home with the kids, there never really is a "good" time to talk during the day.  Truthfully, even when evening approaches, time doesn't magically make itself available either.  Even more damaging to efforts at communication is a 9.5 hour time difference.

I've learned that in order for communication to happen, and actually flourish, both parties have to MAKE TIME.  You don't necessarily have to make time ... at the same time.  But the effort does need to be made.

When you phone your husband, understand that he might not be able to make the time right at that moment.  He may be in the middle of changing oil, performing a root canal, negotiating a contract or in the middle of a therapy session (or whatever it is your hubby does).  You don't have any control over how his day progresses or entails, no matter how pressing YOUR issue happens to be.

What you DO have control over though, is making time when HE calls YOU to carve out even 5 minutes to concentrate your energy on listening to what he has to say.

Yes, I know.  You might be in the middle of making lunch, homework or refereeing an argument.  Even more disconcerting, you may be in the process of herding your children out to the car for an outing.  You may have just hung up from an hour on the phone with your electric company arguing about a bill or just finished speaking with a teacher about a behavior issue. There's also a huge possibility that when he calls that you're in the middle of a diaper change, cleaning up vomit from one of your pets or knee deep in laundry.

Whatever you are doing, make the conscious effort -- if you can --  to STOP what you're doing ... and listen.  I am still working on learning how to effectively verbalize to Todd that sometimes I really can't devote any time to a phone conversation (because of circumstances on my end of the phone) ... and there are some times when he WISHES I'd just not answered the phone (when the kids are screaming banshees!).

I need to make more of an effort to explain quickly that I will be able to talk ... after I finish changing a diaper, or get the kids loaded up in the car.  Then I've effectively communicated where I'm at in my day and we can hopefully have a good conversation, maybe just a bit later in the day.

Another thing we have learned and put in place - actually long before India came about -- is a "two ring system."  If I call Husb during the day at work and he doesn't answer, we have put a system into place whereby I call again right away. If I've "rung twice," it means that I need him to call me back ASAP, step out of a meeting, or otherwise make himself available to me.

The conversation that happens in those five minutes can either be positive or negative.  Might as well give it a go to ensure that they are positive!

What tips and tricks do you have for making time in your marriages and relationships?

CNN.com